I'm depressed. I'm sure I'm getting my period. My boobs are sore, I have a headache, and I picked a fight with my husband this morning (something about him not being romantic enough, which was actually unfounded).
And did I mention that everyone on the subway is pregnant? All of these women have burst onto the scene lately, flaunting their big bellies to the world. It makes sense that I'd see more pregnant tummies in the summer — when they aren't covered up by winter jackets — but sometimes I feel like these women are just showing off.
I don't feel pregnant. I don't think it's gonna happen this month. I don't really know why, but I'm just not expecting it to happen. Maybe I'm thinking the third try is meant be the charm as opposed to the second try. Or maybe I'm thinking that it just isn't meant to be that easy for me. Things aren't usually easy breezy for me, so why should getting pregnant be any different? Or maybe I weirdly think that I'll deserve to get pregnant more after I've tried for a little while longer — after I've earned it more. Weird, right? Lord knows plenty of fertility-challenged people "deserve" to get pregnant and don't, so I realize my logic is flawed. But perhaps it's because of those people that I feel like I should suffer a little more — pay my dues — before I receive this miraculous gift.
It's not that I'm a martyr. In fact, if it takes me too long, I'm pretty sure I'll start to get panicky. But, the second try just seems too easy. I'm hoping the third try will be the winner. Three is my lucky number.
I THINK I surged yesterday. The pink line SEEMED to be darker both that morning when I used a stick and that night when I tried again. I even think it was pretty much the same shade of pink as the control line. And today, there was the telltale CM so I'm thinking that I'm ovulating as I write (day 19). Since we last had sex late at night on day 16, I'd say I gave myself a two to three day window between sex and ovulation — pretty much what I wanted.
I ran out of sticks to pee on. We had to get up early yesterday morning to drive a few hours to a ferry that would take us to Victoria, British Columbia. But I was determined to get another ovulation kit before we set sail.
While we were driving along the beautiful coastline (think serene ocean in front of gorgeous mountains peaking out behind billowy clouds) I asked my husband to look out for drug stores.
"Maybe they'll be selling ovulation kits at the ferry stop," he said sarcastically. "Drinks, snacks, and ovulation kits."
"Ha ha. Just look for a sign for a drug store please." Then I fell asleep.
STILL not surging. It's day 16. I tested myself last night and this morning to better pinpoint my surge this cycle. I guess I'm going to ovulate late this month (I hope I ovulate at all). Darn this timing! Once again, we're going to have to do it in my friend's guest room tonight. Awkward.
p.s. If one ever needed more motivation to get pregnant with a baby girl, though, all she'd need to do is spend time with my friend and her two ADORABLE daughters. These pink-dress-wearing, curly-haired, cuddly, giggly girls are what daughter fantasies are made of.
It's day 15, and my ovulation kit says my luteinizing hormone is not surging. It was supposed to surge today. I knew this trip and change of routine might throw things off. I'm thinking the chances are slim that the sperm from day 13 will be waiting around for me to ovulate if I haven't even started surging yet. Since we're off now to visit one of my best friends and her family in Olympia, Washington, I suppose we'll just have to "do it" furtively at their place tonight. Not ideal.
Aaahhh, vacation. Relaxed, leisurely, sleep late, no-time-schedule vacation...except for the sex schedule, that is. Yup, in order to try one more time for a girl, I need to keep track of the timing of our not-so-carefree vacation sex.
So, in preparation for our trip (which includes a couple of days in Seattle first for a family wedding, a visit at my friend's house in Olympia, Washington, and then a jaunt on our own to British Columbia), I packed my windbreaker, hat, sunglasses, sneakers, and of course, my ovulation kit. Now, I know that a change in routine like travel can mess with ovulation (and last time I traveled, I did end up having an unusually long cycle), so this could get tricky.
It's getting close to ovulation time, which means that we need to get this party started.
The problem: My husband has his annual work conference this week, which involves entertaining clients late into the night — for multiple nights in a row — well past my bedtime (and our window for sex). Plus, both of us need to get up early this week, so sex in the morning isn't an option either.
Crying children scare me. They almost ruin it for us aspiring moms — even for me, the sappiest of them all.
My husband and I were doing errands over the weekend, and we stopped to grab some lunch in a cute restaurant that had a chocolate theme. There we were, minding our own business, having a pleasant meal, chatting about work, and then, out of nowhere came the cry. We ignored it — it was no big deal. Happens all the time. Someone will make it stop soon. But it didn't. It kept going. We kept talking, eating, pretending not to hear. Then the crying got even louder. It wouldn't let up.
"Someone is torturing that child," my husband said.
"It seriously sounds that way. We're in a chocolate restaurant — what more could he want?" I asked, actually feeling sort of glad that we didn't have a baby right then.