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Patty Onderko
Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 10:00
My Not-So-Great Escape
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
I've been planning it for a while, looking for holes in the system and plotting which options had the greatest chance of success. I just want to go outside; 10 minutes is all I need. A quick dash out to the small courtyard in front of the building to get some sun and see some life would sustain me for at least two more days, I believe. (Once you're an admitted patient, you're not allowed outside under any circumstances — for liability reasons — and the hospital doesn't have a patient deck or outside facilities.)

But security here is tight. I'm confined to a single hallway on one side of the Labor and Delivery floor. The doors are manned by nurses who screen every visitor before buzzing them in and out. I'd need to wait for a time when the particular nurse at the entryway desk was one who wouldn't recognize me. But after more than a week of being here, that's pretty rare; at least a dozen or so nurses have gotten to know me (and my veins!). So I've been watching carefully for my opportunity.

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 07:00
Hamburgers Make Me Happy
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
I used to be a vegetarian. Then I got pregnant. During my first trimester, all the vegeterian sources of protein (milk, cheese, tofu, beans, etc.) made me sick, so I would occasionally allow myself a piece of chicken. For the sake of the boys, of course. But the more meat I began to eat, the more I wanted. I moved on from chicken to roasted turkey and pork tenderloin, then hamburgers and huge strip steaks. And I realized why I've perhaps avoided them all this time: They are freaking delicious. Soon, the only thing I craved was red meat. My family couldn't believe it; their stuck-up little animal crusader had become a true carnivore. Read Full Post
Monday, August 20, 2007 - 07:00
Clarity
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
I can't stop thinking about my old roommate. I can't imagine her pain. It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself in the hospital that sometimes I forget why I'm really here. I'm here because I want to have two healthy babies, a privilege my roommate was sadly not granted. It's not a given. While I don't subscribe to any all-self-sacrificing model of motherhood, the death of this born-too-soon child reminds me that giving birth to a human being is not really about me.

Though I'm sure I'll be back to complaining in no time. Come on, nobody's perfect, and pregnancy can be hard. But as long as I can remember what an honor — and responsibility — it is to be blessed with these two boys every so often, I think I might be an okay parent.

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Sunday, August 19, 2007 - 07:00
Say a Prayer
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
I just walked by my old room and peeked in to see how my old roommate (the one who is five months pregnant and on bed rest for the next three months) is doing. Her bed was empty. I think optimistically that perhaps she was allowed to go home. I ask the nurses about her. "She went into labor last night and had the baby," they tell me matter-of-factly. The baby died. Read Full Post
Friday, August 17, 2007 - 07:00
My Public Service Announcement of the Day
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
If you ever know anyone who has to spend more than three days in the hospital, this is my advice: VISIT THEM! Days in the hospital go by slooooowly, and visitors (even if they're people you wouldn't even schedule a lunch with under normal circumstances) make it go by faster. To give you an idea, here's a look at my typical day here: Read Full Post
Thursday, August 16, 2007 - 07:00
I See the Light!
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
After much begging, I've been moved to the window bed of another room! Oh, happy day!! I promise my roommate that I will come to visit her. "I'll be here," she said with a wink. Bed rest humor...what a hoot! Read Full Post
Wednesday, August 15, 2007 - 05:00
More Perspective
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
Okay, I really feel like a big baby. I've just learned the story of my roommate, and her pregnancy makes mine seem like a breezy day at the beach. She was admitted to the hospital when she was just shy of five months because her cervix was opening. They had stitched it closed, but it kept reopening. Her treatment: three months at the hospital on the strictest bed rest. That means no bathroom privileges (hello, bed pan), no showers, no getting up to simply hug a visitor. She's not handling it well — who would? — and admits to being extremely depressed. I hear her crying at night. Sometimes I join her.

If she can do three months, I can do 17 days. The sacrifices that so many women make to have children blow me away.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007 - 09:00
The Hospital Blues Again
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
Now that my panicked first day back at the hospital is over, the reality of the situation is sinking in. The doctors won't let me go home this time. Since this was my second bleed, they say I can't chance having another one. My doctor has scheduled a c-section for 35 weeks (he doesn't want to risk waiting until 36 weeks, our previous goal). That means 17 more days here. I'm really not sure I can make it. While I don't want to do anything to compromise the health of the babies, I'm dying to go home. Read Full Post
Monday, August 13, 2007 - 13:00
True Love
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
It's later still on Monday, and I'm out of the triage area and in a regular hospital room, stable, but hooked up to three monitors and an IV. I'm like an octopus with all the wires snaking out from under my gown. Unlike the last time, however, this time the doctors have not given me "bathroom privileges." After I graduated kindergarten, I never thought I'd need permission to go to the little girls' room again. But here I am, stuck in a prone position, the nurses poking their heads in every two minutes to make sure I'm not standing up or break dancing.

But the bed inprisonment has given Emily and I an unexpected opportunity to reaffirm our love for one another. I'm talking about the bed pan. If you've never used one, wow, you and your partner are missing out, because Emily and I just saved thousands of dollars on a vow renewal ceremony. If only I'd known how much closer a piece of cheap Pepto-Bismol-colored plastic would bring us, I would have bought my own bed pan years ago.

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Monday, August 13, 2007 - 12:00
Our Oblivious Boys
by Patty Onderko
Project Pregnancy
Thank God, the boys are once again unaffected by the blood loss. Their fast little heartbeats register no recognition of all the stress their mom has been through today, and they keep on kicking and flipping in my belly, completely unaware. I've thought back to the blog entry I wrote about hating to feel their acrobatics. Now, of course, I want to cry with gratitude every time they move. Nothing like a little perspective.

The doctors are unsure whether my bleeding is a case of placenta abruption or placenta previa (when the placenta covers the cervix), but they do know one thing: I'll be stuck here until I deliver.

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