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Ridiculous Parenting Products

  • Babyfirstheadgear.com

    Thudguard Infant Safety Hat
    We've all joked about outfitting an unsteady toddler in a helmet—but we weren't serious! No one wants to put their baby at (very low) risk for a head injury, but a few bumps and bruises seem like just part of the trial-and-error of learning to walk.

    Tags: Gear
  • Amazon.com

    Time Out Pad
    We're all for time outs, but a special pad that times it, makes sounds, and turns the whole thing into a game? We're thinking a chair against the wall plus an egg timer works just fine.

    Tags: Gear
  • littlefashiongallery.com

    Cardboard Customizable Cot
    If you want to put your baby to sleep in a cardboard box, we've got several in the recycling bin—plus we won't charge you $250+!

    Tags: Gear
  • Amazon.com

    Bébésounds Nasal Clear Battery Operated Nasal Aspirator
    The words "battery operated" and "nasal aspirator" just shouldn't go together. Babies are generally not a fan of aspirators—can you imagine your kiddo's terror if the thing buzzed and vibrated too?

    Tags: Gear
  • inhabitots.com

    Placenta Teddy Bear
    What's more cuddly than a placenta? Not only must you cut, cure and emulsify the organ, you have to actually sew it into the teddy bear using this kit.

    Tags: Gear
  • pregnancystore.com

    Zaky Infant Pillow
    We can't help but get creeped out looking at these disembodied hands cradling a baby. Even worse—they strike us as a blatant SIDS risk.

    Tags: Gear
  • littleloungers.com

    Swarovski Rainbow Sparkle Silicone Pacifier
    Does a baby really need bling? And does said bling have to go in her mouth? In fact, some bedazzled binkies have already been recalled, so definitely skip this one.

    Tags: Gear
  • chasing-fireflies.com

    65-twig Crayons Set
    These are gorgeously rustic. But they're also $150...for crayons—that you can't sharpen without a pocketknife.

    Tags: Gear
  • cufflinks.com

    Sonogram Cufflinks
    You thought a regular-sized sonogram was hard to make out—what about one that's the size of a dime? Our tip: wait until the baby's born, and treat Dad to cufflinks featuring a sweet baby photo instead.

    Tags: Gear
  • heelarious.com

    Her First High Heels
    Kids grow up so fast already—we don't need to speed it up by dressing babies in adult-looking heels (even if you're Suri Cruise and those T-straps are designed by Marc Jacobs)

    Tags: Gear
  • babyrockapparel.com

    Tinkle Tube
    This tube is meant to act as a pee receptacle for potty training little boys so they don't spray the seat (or their shoes). We're not convinced that holding and then dumping a tube of your kid's pee is much more sanitary than just wiping down the toilet seat afterward. The makers say it also works as emergency toilet when you're on the go. Don't we have trees for that?

    Tags: Gear
  • nuvo-group.com

    Ritmo Advanced Pregnancy Sound System
    We all want to give our baby the best start, but do you really need a $130 belly sound system to do so? We think not.

    Tags: Gear
  • bathedwithlove.com

    Tummy Tub
    Although it does present a pretty irresistible photo op—baby in a bucket!—we're not sure that a $45 plastic bucket is really necessary to bathe your baby, even if it does keep him warmer. It claims to work up until 35 pounds, but that seems like it would be pushing it.

    Tags: Gear
  • lunaparc.com

    Sperm Pin and Earrings
    Is that a sperm on your lapel? We know that when you're TTC, it's pretty much all you can think about, but do you have to make everyone else think about it too?

    Tags: Gear
  • macnandcool.com

    Potty Mitts
    These mittens cover little hands so they don't get germy in the bathroom. While we're icked out by public bathrooms too, washing up with soap and water afterward should de-germ little hands without encouraging OCD.

    Tags: Gear
  • dearjohnnies.com

    Designer Hospital Gowns
    We admit: these are kind of cute. However, we're pretty sure you won't care a lick about how you look when you're giving birth (you'll be a too busy sweating, grunting and swearing at your husband to look in the mirror). And given, uh, the fluids that will be spilled all over that thing, do you really want to drop $68?

    Tags: Gear
  • Amazon.com

    The Daddle
    How ever have we managed generations of horsey rides without this strap-on saddle for (poor) Dad?

    Tags: Gear
  • onestepahead.com

    Hot Dog Slicer
    Choking is no joking matter, and hot dogs are, sadly, a common culprit. What is laughable: spending almost $7 to save, say, the 8 seconds it takes to cut up a hot dog with a regular old knife.

    Tags: Gear
  • kidsafeinc.com

    Kid Keeper Safety Harness Leash

    Although there are probably a few kids who truly need one of these, most kids should just be taught to hold hands and stay where their parents can see them rather than be treated like the family pet.

     

    Tags: Gear
  • mommymitten.com

    Mommy Mitten
    Yes, gloves get lost easily, but isn't the answer buying another pair you can use anytime, anywhere rather than this silly stroller hand warmer?

    Tags: Gear
  • bippityboopitybaby.com

    Pee Pee Teepee
    In theory, this is a great idea to keep parents from getting whizzed on during diaper changes. In practice, babies squirm like crazy, knocking this wee cone right off. A spare, ready-for-the-wash-anyway burp cloth works just as well—and absorbs too.

    Tags: Gear
  • peeandpoo.com

    Plush Pee and Poo Duo
    You've got to have a sense of humor about bodily functions when you have kids, but plushies in the shape of doo-doo? The only thing less cuddly is a placenta.

    Tags: Gear

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