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Sometimes it's nice to get advice from experts with a lot of letter degrees behind their names, but other times, you just need to hear what another parent (with a M.O.M. behind her name) has done that has worked. You've got questions? These moms have answers.

2 questions...first pregnacy *very personal, please don`t judge*

7 answers
Hi, I am 27 years old and this is my first pregnancy and it was a complete surprise. I am very nervous! both these questions will seem very pathtic and dumb...for lack of a better word. I may be getting to personal here but here I go... first...I was sexually abuse as a child (I have sought help) and I have never told a soul. I have never had a pap smear or such for fear of the dr seeing scarring or whatnot...will it affect me carrying my child or labor? know one in my family know and I don`t want them to ever fnd out. second. I also struggeled with self-injury and have also recieved help and have recovered for about 3 years now, but as a result I have several very obvious scars. what do you think the dr would do in this situation? will it cause him to question my ablity to raise a child? I know these arent exactly 100 precent pregnacy related and ridulous in nature, Im sure. but I have no one else that I can ask and I am very stressed about this. I also am aware that stress can be transfered to the baby and I want this child more than anything to be happy. thank you for reading. please note* I am recovered and am doing well. I will also be graduating with a degree in child pychololgy and education in January...5 months before I pop ;) a second thank you...and farewell

answers (7)

I am a first time mom as well and have had some issues in my past as well. However, I do not believe that your past has to totally consume your present. I believe that ALL of your medical history is important when speaking with your doctor. The first thing that you need to do is make sure that you find a doctor that you are comfortable talking to. It will make a huge difference in your experience. If your doctor is judgemental for no reason, then he/she is probably not the doctor for you. On the other hand, if your doctor has a legitimate reason to be concerned, I think that you should at least listen to what they are saying. With this new experience in your life, you may want to be open to seek help such as counseling during the transition and several parenting classes. Most of the parenting classes are offered at your local hospital so that you are confident when your baby arrives. Issues or not, I think we all are nervous and anxious in this time so please do not feel alone. I definitely will be signing up for some classes too. Good luck!!!
I agree with the other answer. Also, as long as you are doing well now, your doctor will normally understand. Everybody has a past of some sort. One thing I do suggest is getting councilling while pregnant. I good friend of mine was raped when she was very young (10ish I think), and had a really hard time when she had her kids, because she found it stressful for the doctors and what not to touch her "down there". This might also be a problem that you face, especially near the end when it seems like they are spending more time looking in you than at you! Also, from my own experience, people who have any history of depression have a much higher risk or prenatal and postpartum depression. If you start getting help before you have symptoms, it will be a happier and healthier pregnancy for you and baby.
I am sorry to hear what you have went through in your life, but it sounds like you are in a better place now. Your pregnancy though scary may be a true blessing for you :) I do think that maybe you should speak with your counselor about your stress and concern of visiting the doctor--it can only help. They will be able to maybe help you to approach the past situation and to maybe help answer any questions your doctor may have.This is a very exciting yet scary time in most womens lives-- I wish you the best and all happiness with your new bundle of joy.. Good luck and God bless....
i am so sorry to hear that i know that must have been horrible going threw that as a child, but im very happy to hear that your doing better, i think you should ask your doctor i know that its never something you wanna share with people but its important to make sure that its safe for you to give birth natural good luck! :)
Hi hon, my best suggestion to you is go to the Self Harm community on WebMD.  The women there are AMAZING, and most are mommies, too, and have delt with sexual abuse.  Copy and paste this exact question to their boards with the word Trigger in the subject name and women who have been there will be able to answer your questions better.
My mom was sexually abused when she was a kid and she had three very healthy pregnancies and birth. You will just need to be totally honest with your doctor.I too was a cutter for many many years and stopped about 3 years ago. My whole left arm is terribly scared and I hate the way it looks. I was also scared of what the doctors would say or do but I was totally honest with them and they were very understanding and helpful. As long as no new mark pop up during your pregnancy you should be good. Please let me know if you need anyone to talk to. I understand how hard all of this is and with all the hormones running through your body it will test your well to continue not to harm yourself. Good luck to you!
Well, those are typically personal questions, but good ones. My advise to you is to be very honest with your doctor. Because if you were abused by a bilogical family member, it could of caused a disease within you that could harm the baby, ecspecially if you would be pregnant by this person. Now as far as the scars, they are scars. As long as you have no fresh ones, you should be okay. But I would advise seeing a councilor, because due to your unfortunate experiences and obvious depression, you have a higher risk of postpartum depression. So for your safety and your unborn child's as well seek support immediately. Having someone to confide in, best choice is a professional, will help you manage your stress and reduce your risks of any legal actions being taken within the future. I am sure that if you stay mentally healthy with this pregancy and seek help you should be just fine. Just remember this child is a gift from god. He obviously knows that you need the love that only an innocent sole can provide you. Trust me, I have been there with cutting myself, and my son is the best thing that every came in my life. I gave him the gift of live, and he gave me a reason to live. Good Luck!

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