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do you think its ok to have sleepovers w/ new gf while kid home?

8 answers
My ex and I broke up after 6 years recently in April and we have a 5 year old daughter. We share our time with her evenly so she gets equal time with both parents. I recently found out at the end of September that he has had a new girlfriend since May, little after we broke up. I'll admit that I was upset about this at first but mainly because how I found out was that he had the girl spend the night with my daughter there while I was out of town. Otherwise who knows if he woulld have told me. I think it is way too early to be having sleep overs with a new girlfriend, I have been dating someone since August and we both agreed that we wouldnt meet each others kids till we knew that it was worth introducing the kids into the mix. I am trying to protect her but he thinks I am just jealous. Put my feelings aside, this is about my daughter and her well being. After the first time that it happened he said it wouldnt happen again and he just had her spend the night again over the weekend and had to find out again through my daughter telling me. He doesnt think it has any affect of her and I beg to differ. I think its too early for sleep overs and he doesnt. I have asked other friends and family their advice but I would like to get some other opinions on the situation from outsiders. I just want my daughter to be happy and her feelings to be taken into consideration. Thank you

answers (8)

Stop sending her over to  your ex's house.  That will stop her from being affected by the sleep overs.
I cant keep her from seeing her father, I wouldnt do that to her, she needs a relationship with him just like she does with me.
I agree with you 100% it is wayyyy too early for the sleepovers and for her to be being introduced and used to the idea of daddy having another women there.. what happens if things dont work out between them? then the break up isnt just between the 2 adults your daughter is in the middle of it too because I am sure by her age that she gets some kind of attachment or used to the other women being there. Unfortunatly I dont know what to tell you to help with it though. All I can say is that as an outsider I think that you are in the right and its too soon.. hope that things get better for you all!
maddison09, thank you for your comment I'm glad to know that someone else looking in agrees with me. Now just to get him to understand
I didn't say keep her from her father.  He can still have his visits with her, but until, like you say, he understands that having sleep overs with his girlfriend is, in your eyes, inappropriate, then daughter doesn't sleep over.
Ok thanks, I guess I read it wrong sorry
Don't apologize, sweetheart.  I reread it and unless you were in my head as I wrote it, it looks wrong. lol  Good luck :)
I agree that it isn't in your daughter's best interest. If it didn't affect her at all would she feel the need to tell you about it? Probably not. Kids don't always know how to say this is bothering me, by her telling you that it is happening I think that is her way of asking you to help her stop it. I have 3 cchildren from a previous marriage and they only had visitation with their dad 1 day a week for about 5 hours. He never could just spend time with them. Everytime he was in a new relationship he always brought them to his visits. That took away from my kids and made them feel less loved. Mainly my daughter who was also 5 at the time. He would even have his girlfriend bring her daughter to his visits! Given he might have thought that it would be fun for them to have someone to play with but that isn't how they took it. I truely believe my daughter felt replaced. After that she didn't want him at her visits any more just his parents. Children are very emotional and things affect them alot more than we are aware of. I would talk to your daughter and ask her how she feels about it. Get her to open up so you know how it is affecting her. Then I would sit your ex and your daughter down and have her tell him how it is making her feel. If he is a good dad then it should open his eyes, however if he's like my ex he'll acuse you of making her say it. I hope this helps and I hope all works out for the best for your daughter. Good luck :)

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