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How to say no to Mom in law without hurting her feelings and making my hubby mad.

6 answers
How do I deal with my big problem. I see where everyone post something they don't like about the mother in law I believe which is called MIL. Well I love my MIL. I think she is the sweetest person in the world. But just last night my husband and I were sitting on the couch and I turned to him to say can you believe in one more month we find out what we are having. He said yeah about that, Mom wants to be there. I said what??????? He said yeah she wants to come down and be there. He then said sorry I mean to tell you that. Well first of all this is Matt and I's first baby. This is something I want us to share together and get the surprize and share it with everyone else. Second I didn't event my mom to come because I figure that would not be fair. Third of all I don't think I would be comfortable with having her in the room with me while they check down there. What do I do. How do I say no. Or should it be my husband who saids no to her. Not just that but we have one king size bed we sleep in and then as our guest bed til we can get something else is a day bed. Well when his parents come down they have to have the bigger bed because they have back problems and can't sleep on anything else. Well I think that sucks because I am pregnant and can't sleep as it is. I wakeup with a real sore back in the mornings. I can't sleep in the day bed or on the couch. And they way I toss and turn all night trying to get comfortable what if I fall out of the small bed. I really need help here. What do I do.

answers (6)

A simple solution is to tell her that due to the recent flu outbreak they are only allowing one other person to come during doctor visits. Or you could just be honest and tell her that this is something you want just your husband and you to share and that you aren't even inviting your own mother to it. I think it is just plain rude of her to kick you out of your own bed though, if they aren't comfortable with your guest bed, than they should rent a hotel room when they come to town. Simple as that. And if you are not comfortable telling her, than have your husband tell her as it is his mother and he should support you in your decisions. Don't feel bad or guilty about it! And Congrats! :)
When YOU come up with a proposal [hopefully others will give some advice to give you some ideas too], think about how you'll say it to your husband, and then talk to just him about it first.  Then, it probably would be best having him tell her. To back yourself up, check with whoever is supposed to be doing the ultrasound for you- to see if mom, dad, sisters, neighbors, cousins, and friends from the 7th grade are all invited to come along.  My doctor sends his patients to a separate clinic at the hospital for the ultrasound.  For liability reasons, fire hazard reasons, etc. they may only let immediate family in.  At that hospital where I delivered, my mom thought I'd love to have her watch me pop a kid out from between my legs and didn't take no for an answer until I found the policy where it states only one other person can be in the room [which case I chose my husband, of course!].This ultrasound they'll do on your belly, unlike the first one they probably did with the rod-like camera in your vagina.  So it really isn't so bad, but I know what you're saying about just having your husband there.  Even so, it should only take about an hour for them to check the sex and check all the organs and measurements, so if they're making a big trip from out of town, it would be kind of a big hassle.  Just throw it out there that you want to wait until the actual big day for visitors and festivities.
I agree that it is your decision, ad I also recommend talking to your DH about how you feel and asking him to talk to his mom. Let your DH know that you want it to be just you and him, you can't sleep anywhere but your own bed, and that making a trip from out of town just to see the ultrasound in person seems like too much of a hassle but you'll be glad to send his parents copies of the pictures they give you at the end.If he gets upset by how you feel then he needs to deal with it, and the same goes for her. You are the only person authorized to make this particular decision. If he refuses to refuse his mom, then YOU contact his parents and tell them the same thing you told him. If she continues to press for admission and your DH is on her side, it my be rough for a while, but they should eventually get over the hard feelings. Just say NO if you aren't comfortable with her attendence.
We had similar problem and best is just to be honest. Don't lie because they get you more stressed and sometimes caught! So just keep it honest with everyone and let them know this is something that you feel should be a special moment to share solo with your hunny bunny. Tell everyone you want it to be fair for everyone to find out at the same time. Maybe even make a party of the surprise revealing! Then if all else fails blame it on the prego ego hormones!
I had the EXACT same problem & I was just honest with my mil I just simply said its our first baby and I would just really rather it be me & my hubby in there. She understood and hasnt said another word about it to me or my hubby.
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