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Me and my boyfriend have been together a 1.5 years and I feel bad about having a child with out being married .

6 answers
I love him so much and i wanna spend the rest of my life with him. I know he loves me but idk if he really wants to spend his life with me, we have been fighting alot and I need advice.

answers (6)

Amanda19892, I know several people in your shoes and there is no set rule for how to handle this situation.  I can tell you that jumping into marriage simply because of pregnancy will not fix anything and may complicate the issue.  Communication is the key here I believe.  Love and commitment are to different things.  I don't love my job all the time, but I am committed to it though.  Sometimes the hardest things we do is to let the object of our love make their own choice to love us and commit to something knowing that feelings and emotions change from minute to minute, day to day, week to week, and year to year.  Only advice I could give you is to not force him to spend his life with you but let him chose to love you, and spend his life with you.  Being forced turns to bitterness, and bitterness leaves you barren!  God Bless!  I will remember you in my prayers.
you shouldnt be upset about haveing a baby and not being married you dont need to be married to have a baby ive been with my bf for the same amount of time i got pregnant in feb and miscarried we got engaged in march and now i am pregnant again and we wont be married when the baby comes be happy your creating lifegood luck and congrats
amanda, first off its ok to be pregnant without being married, alot of people have been through it! Including me, i was a month pregnant before my husband and i got married. We have been together 3 yrs, and the biggest thing i can tell you is even though ya'll are having a baby dont let that be the reason to get married. My husband and I were planning the wedding before we found out i was pregnant it just kinda sealed the deal. lol. my advice is talk to him about the pregnancy, and ya'lls life together. Ask him what he wants out of ya'lls relationship just be open and honest about everything. ive seen lots of marriages fail cause the only reason they got married simply for the baby and thats not always the best choice. there has to be love, communication, and more. You do not wanna get married with this baby on the way and then live unhappily always fighting. Make sure it is the real deal!
You should definitely not  get married just because you are pregnant... even if you want to get married weather you are pregnant or not.  If he does not feel the same way then you are asking for disaster.  I would sit down with him and have a conversation.  Tell him how you feel and what you want and explain to him that under the current circumstances you need to know where he stands.  If he doesn't really want to be in the relationship for the long haul then it would be easier on everyone, especially baby, to learn that now.  But set your expectations of him now, if you want him involved (which you obviously do since you want to marry him) then explain to him that you expect him to be supportive and involved both emotionally and financially.  Don't jump into a marriage because of a pregnancy, it won't help the situation.  And remember, there are a lot of people who get pregnant and have babies our of wedlock!  I was 3 months pregnant when I got married!!
Never never get married just because you are pregnant.. I dont think that it is necessary or required. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and 1/2 years, we have a daughter who will be turning 1 at the end of the month and I am 12 weeks pregnant with #2.. I feel that as long as we love each other and intend on being together forever then we are already commited and I wont get married until I am ready. Everyone tried telling us when we got pregnant the first time that we had to get married, which I dont believe I want to only be married because of a situation, which would have been us getting pregnant. I wish you the best of luck and dont forget lots of people have been there and it has been ok =)
What I noticed that all of these answers have in common is Commitment.  It seems most of the women who had good experiences with being pregnant before marriage were in committed relationships.  Marriage is a great way to show your commitment to one another, but marriages end all the time.  It's not the marriage part that seems to make the difference it's the commitment.  So if you are worried about your boyfriend's commitment then marriage doesn't seem to be your question, it's having a baby in a relationship that isn't, from your perspective committed.  The key difference with marriage is if things go sour, he has a legal obligation to take care of you.  Sure plenty of guys sluff their alimony and child support but you still have that safety net if things don't work out.  If you aren't married and he's not committed, he could easily leave you high and dry. I believe that having a baby should have a mother and a father. To me that means a married couple, co-dependent, and committed.  I'm pretty old fashioned, but it's not wrong to feel like having your baby out of wedlock isn't a good thing, Especially if you don't feel that your man is totally commited to you. I'm glad that my husband and I are having a baby after we've been married for a few years. I know that he is 100% committed to me, our relationship, and our little one on the way. I know that my husband and I will be a family forever, and our children will be a part of that union. We made a covenant with God to commit to one another and that is so much more than just a label and a ring. I know that no matter what we face we will be together.  Not everyone is sure of  that.  I hope that you can be so sure before you bring your little one into the world.

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