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my boyfriend and I are having our first child. our families are both upset and both want us to marry as soon as possible....

12 answers
but he doesnt want to marry for at least 5 yrs, to make sure im the one. which makes me scared and furious all in one. i dont agree with my family but i do want to be married soon after the baby is born at least. what should i do, am i wrong for thinking this? should i tell him how i feel?

answers (12)

You need to tell him how you feel! if you are going to have a child together then you shouldnt be afraid to tell him whats on your mind! Congrats on the pregnancie, and best of luck!
My husband and I were in the same situation when we had our daughter.  We felt we were committed to each other and didn't need the ring to prove it.  We waited until she was 2 before getting married.  We paid for the wedding ourselves (we were in no position to ask for them to pay for it) and were even able to go on a honeymoon for a few days because we felt she was old enough to be left with Grandma.  I'm glad we waited because we could afford to have the wedding we wanted.  We will be welcoming baby #2 in June! You honestly need to do what is best for the two of you.  Your family will come around.  However, you should tell him what is on your mind and maybe you two can come to some sort of compromise.  Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck!
My husband and I had the same problem, I was sixteen at the time.  I listened to my parents and after our marriage got off to a horrible start my parents were begging me to get a divorce. I told them that I take my vows seriously and stuck to my guns this time.  We have been married for six years now.  My point is you have to do what is best for you and the baby. Don't let anyone else talk you into something you have to live with.
Don't marry for the family, marry because you guys want to. It does worry me that he wants to wait several more years to make sure "you're the one".  If you are ready to do it in the next year or less you need to tell him.
I would suggest telling your boyfriend how you feel. I would suggest not getting married because your families want you too. My husband and I didn't get married until our daughter was 1 and 1/2. I wouldn't suggest rushing into marriage until you are sure, don't get married because you feel you have to for the baby. Do what you feel is right.
My husband and I got married very early and after having known each other for only a short time. We didn't even have a wedding at first, just went to the courthouse after I turned 18. Needless to say, our families weren't exactly thrilled. Then, 6 months later we found out we were expecting; yet another thing that no one was very happy with. But we've been married over a year now and I'm due any day with our daughter. We couldn't be more happy. The road isn't always easy but it's worth every step. I just had to learn that I simply can not live my life based on what everyone else wants me to do. Talk to him and tell him what's on your mind and do what you two think is best. Everyone else will get over it.
My boyfriend and I are currently in that same situation.  We both love eachother and are happy with where we are in life, but we weren't ready to get married before we found out that we were pregnant, so we both strongly feel that a baby is NOT a reason to get married.  What's most important is that the child has a loving home and two loving parents.  Both of our parents want us to get married, but it's not their life to live.  Times have changed!  But you should definitely talk to your boyfriend about your concerns about being "the one"  because even if you live together for the next 5 years, marriage will still change the dynamic down the road.
Congrats on your pregnancy! First it's not up to your family who you chose to marry, marriage is about you and that other person!  The fact that you have a baby to consider probably adds to the pressure of rushing, I would agree with the other ladies, take your time and don't rush.  Try to be very open and clear when you share your thoughts, he might feel like he has to prove to your familes that getting married is your guys' decision and not theirs.
I had the same problem... I'm the oldest of all the kids- oldest daughter, neice, grandchild... yet I'm too 'young' to be considered an adult to them [for God's sake- I'm 24!]. No one had any encouraging words for my husband [boyfriend at the time], other than to go get married- real quick... I gave them the mental finger because I was so mad at all of them [big family].  We knew we wanted to be together, an ended up getting engaged when our first was only 6 weeks old. First, as much as you love them, screw the family!  Rushing marriage is the worst thing you can do.  Second, tell your man how you feel... he may ease up and change his mind through the pregnancy- that's what mine did.  You're probably pretty emotional right now due to the hormones, but try to think about what you want to say before you say anything to anyone, just to try and keep things civil [lol]. What matters most is the two of you being a happy, functioning couple... others can tell you what they think is best, but at the end of the day, who's lying by your side?
I went through this with my family was well. My boyfriend and I welcomed our first child, Maddison, last June and really everyone with the exception of my parents have come around. We are committed to each other and have been living together for the past 3 1/2 years. I just don't feel that a child is a reason to go run out and get married. We are talking about it in the future, but just found out we are expecting baby #2 in December so it will definitly wait until after then. Do what you feel is best and not your family. You are the ones that will have to live with the decisions you make not your family. I do agree that you need to be able to talk to your boyfriend however though, the communication seems to just get worse once your little one gets here.. congrats by the way and good luck!!


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