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Nervous, Scared...But wanting to share my experience...

6 answers
I have a 7yr old son and i think it was a miracle i was blessed with him is my story... April this year after 6 years of fertility problems and then finally being told i was infertile and i could not have anymore kids....I fell pregnant! You couldnt believe how happy hubby and i were...May came around i turned 30 i thought this was my year...May ended in the loss of our baby :( i was "technically" 13 wks along but the fetus had stopped growing around 6wks but my body failed to let me in on this...end of May i had to have a D&C it was heart breaking :( The first thing i remeber when coming to after the surgery was "is my baby gone" i was a mess...i still cant think of this thought without a pool of tears...I always said during my struggle of fertility issues and then finally being told that was it..."well atleast i will never experience my bigest fear....lossing a" did i jinx myself? ive asked myself that alot....My Dr told me to hold off trying again and let my body get over the loss physically and mentally...So i finally started to feel back to normal when August came around...the end of August that is....i found out i was pregnant AGAIN..fear hit me like you wouldnt believe...Should i be happy?? I know i was deathly afraid... Sick to my stomach...The week we found out was the same week we lost baby number 2.... :( why was i being punished?? Why would god do this to me? Every question that could be asked to ones self....i asked...I decided to go threw the loss of this child at home naturally with my husband, I dont know that i was as emotionally attached to this child as i was to the first one...because i felt it was to early to have gotten attached to it...Well guess what....I fell pregnant again right away.....i know..i know...we should have been more careful...we thought we had been to be brutally honest i think we only had sex 1-2 times after i had stopped bleeding from the miscarriage...I was terrified...sick to my stomach...and i was so mad at myself and husband....:( We headed to the clinic they confirmed it...with the information i had given them they had figured that i was 4-5wks along which i was so scared of...i did not make it past 6 wks with the other 2 pregnancies and so began the nervs...the worrying....well a week after finding out....i started bleeding....this time my husband rushed me to the ER, they took 11 vials of blood put a catheriter in and took urine to test....and then something i was not ultra sound i felt like i was going to throw up...i did not want that disappointment again of seeing a sack that was slowly breaking down....the techincian was as neutral as she could be she didnt want to give me any hopes but then also it felt like she was judging me when she went over my medical history and past pregnancies....she started the ultra sound and said "well thats one good sign..." i refused to even give into "hope" i let her continue she stated that the pregnancy was in the utreus which was a good thing...then she said "OH look at that it has a heart beat" I almost passed out....i was light headed and almost threw up...i started crying right away i said thats more then the last 2 ever had then it hit me...wait how far along am i???? I was told i was probably 4weeks?!?!?! She said well according to the measurements here ur around 6Wks 6Days along.....and she went on to say that the sack looked healthy and everything looked good...I KNOW its still early i kept saying to myself in my head....Then all of a sudden she put the sound on and i heard its lil heart beat OH MY GOSH....She said it was beating at about 133beats a min...As happy as i wanted to be my biggest fear was still creeping around in my mind...she printed out "babys first pic" and wheeled me back to my room, my husband when i told him however fell to his knees and started cring with joy the doctor in the ER came in and said only goods news 2nite guys everything so far looks good we will call u if theres any problems with ur blood results....No sex for a couple of weeks and I want you on bed rest for the next 3 weeks and sleep on your left side (i had my left ovary removed due to a dermoid cyst a few years ago) We left i think hubby left feeling more relief then i was feeling i was still fearful...still am secretly...Currently right now i am 9weeks along i am "happy" but i am oh so scared and fearful that god will take this baby away from me as well....I am trying my best to take good care of myself staying calm and stress free but at the same time my biggest fear still creeps around in the back of my mind.... I just needed to vent? Talk to someone other then my husband because he keeps telling me its all good and to be happy...which i WANT to be but its hard...

answers (6)

i am so sorry that you have to go threw the loss of both of your babies i know that it must be a very horrible feeling, im happy that this pregnancy is going good and i know its hard to feel hopful after what you have been threw but maybe things will be differant this time around and maybe you'll get that baby you have been hoping for i hope that everything goes good just try to be hopful i know its hard but just try to be happy.                        good luck! sweetie :)
I'm sorry to hear about your loses, I've been there so I understand. I am super excited for you that you have this pregnancy though. I know you think it is hard to be positive and stay on the bright side so I thought I would point out something I realized while reading your story... You have all ready made it past when you lost the last 2! Given you didn't find out you had lost the one til 13 weeks but you lost it at 6. Now you are 9! I know that doesn't seem like much but its something, and everyday that goes by reduces that risk a little. I hope all goes well and you end up with another beautiful baby instead of disappointment. Try to keep your head up and just keep on taking care of yourself. Good luck, God bless and I'll be praying for you and your family! :)
i know how u feel..i had a similar experience, lost a baby last yr in aug , i found out at 16 weeks that it stoppped growing at 12, looking at the screen and seeing no heartbeat was deff the hardest thing ive ever done..but now im prego again (23wks) and so r u! everyday another day passes is a milestone..i still get scared everyday hoping that i dont lose this baby but it gets easier..i know it doesnt seem like it now but ur 3 weeks passed ur last loss and thats awesome! as time goes on it will get easier i swear..the fear probly wont leave u but it will get easier not to worry all day everyday..good luck i hope ur and ur baby are happy and healthy!!
I'm sorry for you losses sweetie. I'll be praying for a healthy pregnancy! God didn't do this to you! He loves you! Sometimes sad things are allowed to happen to bring His children closer to Him. He is a God of Love. He can be your strength. He cares when you are in sad, in pain. He cares when you are happyl. Turn to Him for help & strength during the sad times. He will be there to help you through.
I'm sorry for your losses! :( Well hopefully you get thourgh with this pregnany! If you need someone to talk to i here for you :)! keep your head up and take care!

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