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3 year old never wants to come to his mothers house

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My wife has a 3 year old son who is about to turn 4, very smart child and very vocal has strong vocabulary, my wife and his father split over a year ago ( there is no court set visitation or child support order ) and we are now married. She has always worked two jobs and went to school to support her son! Therefor her exs mother "nana" has had the child a great deal of time. When we go to pick him up from nanas house , she goes in I wait in car , we are thier on average of 30-45 mins negotiating with him to come to the car, usually he throws one hell of a fit screaming kicking crying, saying I want to go to other nanas house! And this is all he says while at are home he will cry and cry and throw a terrible fit repeating he wants to go home ,he has toys and games and a fun environment at our home but he hits his mother says he doesn't like her and wants to go "home" which is what he refers to his nanas house as. He also pees the bed here, poops his pants ( although he is potty trained ) and this happens every time he is here it's not just once in a while it's every single time. He try's to stay up all night and if he doesn't get his way it's a crying fit or he keeps repeating himself as if we didn't hear him .I have tried to encourage her to keep him at our home more but she never does and it hurts me bc he is so disrespectful and I can see a terrible anger problem that I hope doesn't reer it's ugly head in a few years due to the fact that we have a baby girl on the way now! She also never disciplines him and it seems like I'm always the bad guy which I feel terrible for but I was raised to respect my mother and woman and when he is in my home he will respect his mother and his sister and I do not reward bad behavior.I don't know what goes on at his nanas but I strongly suspect he runs wild there and does what he wants along with being handed anything. I don't feel I should have to financially outdue them for him to want to come to my loving home to spend time with the woman who has worked her tail off to support him his entire life. I feel like I am on the verge of insanity someone please help me

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