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boyfriends baby mother is causing drama
I have no children and so i think maybe i am not able to see things from her perspective and maybe that's one reason we have so much drama but i dont know, anyways here is the story: my now fiance and i have been together almost 2 years. at the beginning of our relationship, he cheated on me with this other woman and got her pregnant.i was able to forgive him and we began to move forward with our lives. the child is now 7 months and the babys mom HATES me. i have been trying to get a meeting with her to try and talk out some issue but she refuses to meet or speak with me. she calls him constantly and i dont like them talking on the phone at all because when she calls, its never about the baby she always begs him to be with her. she always tells him how the baby needs a stable home or she will bribe him with money. i offered to be a middle man and she would call me with issues concerning the baby, he liked the idea but she refused of course. she lives 2 hours away and he goes up there one weekend a month and spends time with the baby. sometimes he wont even tell me hes going, he will just go up there to see the baby and tells me when he gets back because he knows i will get upset. i dont like him going alone and for good reason. this woman will do anything to be with him. she bad mouths me to his mom, and to him and i feel like he never stands up for me because he thinks the best way to keep the peace is to try and please both of us, but i tell him he cant please her and me, one of us is going to end up upset and since im his fiance, i shouldnt be the one. she told him that if he ever brings the baby around me she will cut my hair, beat me up, slash my tires and everything like that. i just want things to be civilized but she wont even compromise. i believe shes mad because he chose me and not her. what can i do?
Okay, this your relationship, soon to be marriage, and it seems like this is pushing you two apart, and if it continues, it will push you two apart. You have been very understanding, but you do need to tell him how you feel, and you may want to talk to him about setting up rules for this situation. If you're getting married, you will be his family. If you're planning on starting a family with him, there definitely needs to be rules and restrictions. Remember, it was his mistake, and you were the victim, you should not be suffering because of his misdeeds.
She's obvously fairly crazy. But, he has a child with her. Since he is a parent, his baby needs to be his first priority and you need to be ok with that, regardless of how this other woman acts. You also need to really think about whether or not this is something you can deal with for the rest of your life. Personally, I would tolerate cheating, especially if that cheating resulted in a baby. Obviously, it causes a lot of drama. If you can handle it all, great. If you don't want to deal with this other woman in your life, you probably shouldn't marry this man.
I agree that you shouldnt be suffering and i think you are very strong for forgiving him in the first place... I am in a similar situation, I have a 7 week old girl, anyway her father ditched us when i found out i was pregnant, i have recently submitted a post on here with a question so feel free to read it to get my story. Anyway I am not after him at all, But i think yes the partner as in you, and in my case his GF (who doesnt know yet he has a newborn) are definitely victims, however on the other hand the male still has a responsibility for that child. The child didnt ask to be here. Anyway I believe in this instance that the mother of the baby needs to lay off and just be appreciative that he is on the scene and respect the fact that he is marrying you there for you WILL be a part of the babies life too and she needs to learn to live with that. In my situation he wont see the baby other then photos i text him and yeah, and knows I am more then happy is his GF stays with him to meet her and build up a friendship for as previously said they stay together get engaged etc she would be a part of my daughters life, and yeah. Good luck anyway but yeah he needs to involve you more, not every visit but defintiely involve you more and yeah once again you are a very strong willed lady to stand by him....good luck