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Controlling Wife

2 answers
My wife has become very controlling over the parenting of our 18 month daughter. I was until recently looking after her as her at home dad. This was meant to be until she started nursery and then I can start to work again. However my wife started passing the parenting onto the cleaner/nanny and some to herself which includes the feeding, bathing, playtime, food preperation, food shopping! etc no reasonable explanation, just a vague moody response. It almost makes me feel like I am being deliberatly pushed away from my daughter. We aren't really getting on well anymore and it doesn't help that she doesn't want our daughter to have any contact with her grandparents( their only grandchild) or any other member of my family( we lived 7 hours flying time in another country away from my family) nor for them to have any knowledge of her well being, photos etc. Our daughter does share a disabilty( not life threatening) with me, but hers is very minor compared to mine, however my wife wanted another IVF child and she has asked/pestered me several times to let her use an IVF donor rather than me be the father because she wants a "normal" child. we have been broke for the last couple of years since she somehow manges to mismange her very generous salary( i think its past debts from property and credit cards) and all this is adding to tension between us.The idea of divorce is a scary one since i'm concerned about not getting custody and losing my daughter( for any kind of access). I think possibly this controlling personailty stemmed from her lousy possibly abusive childhood and i think its the reason her first marriage failed within 6 months( because husband wouldnt conform). Before anyone asks no I did not see any of this before we were married, it didnt manifest itself until about 1-2 years into the marriage. thanks

answers (2)

The best thing for both of you is to see a therapist. See one together and if possible, both see that same therapist separately. This will help you get to the root of the issues, instead of just speculating on them. I'm sure both of you care very  much about each other and about your daughter. Getting some outside help and insight on the issues you are now facing is the best thing to do.And, not that this means much of anything, I can see your wife's point of view regarding more children. While I'm not in favor of of fertility treatments or sperm donors, I do understand her desire for a child free from any sort of problem or disability. I think it's every parent's desire to have children that are as perfect as possible. So while I know it hurts you that she feels the way she does, and I know it sounds selfish, it's an evolutionary desire. If I were in her shoes I would choose adoption over a donor, but that's just me.
I recommend seeing a therapist, I can't give you any personal advice for the simple fact that I don't know you nor does any other person on here. All I can say is that its best to see a therapist or talk to her.

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