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Custody crisis?

1 answers
My baby's father and I are far from being together, he left when I was a couple months pregnant not wanting anything to do with me. Of course this broke me. I'm only 23 and I'm a single mom doing everything I can to provide for my baby, it's a scary time.... Long story short he got in trouble with the law and is doing minor jail time. He's due to be out in September and he keeps in contact with me, though I dont know why...he has ('had'..? she is now with his mother) full custody of his daughter from a previous relationship because her mother was very neglectful...and he has joint custody with his ex before me of his son..they get along just fine...maybe not so much right now... My problem is when he gets out he wants to go to court to get visitation rights, paternity will be established I won't be able to have his rights taken...because he's had "time to think" and wants to show me what a good dad he can be...I never doubted that he was a good father to his other children...but the fact that my child DIDNT matter to him until now hurts...he says I'm trying to take his daughter from him which im not at all...if I didn't have a problem with him it would be easy to do...but I'm at a loss I wish I didn't have to deal with it but September comes quick...I feel that if his other kids are around my daughter won't get the attention she deserves...she will be past her infancy when he's out...he wants me to bring her to visits so he can meet her..I've never brought her or gone to see him for that matter...he's never even seen her...I'm just so upset at the whole thing and I don't want to traumatize her when he gets his way... What should I do? My mom is of no help for advice...

answers (1)

Vlevinbrand, well I am no expert at all when it comes to this crisis, but I do have some experience with the issue that you are dealing with. I am a 25 year old single mother of an 8 1/2 month old. I left my daughter's father when I was 6 months pregnant for a few reasons. He physically assaulted me when I was 6 months pregnant (first time he ever put his hands on me), he was seeing other women, and would disappear on me for 12 hours at a time. When I went to the police station to put in a complaint I got the the worst news of my life...my daughters father was a convicted felon and was in prision for 6 years; and I had NO idea until then. He has a terrible track record that made me think about my unborn child's safety as well as my own. When my daughter was born he was in jail, but I wasn't going to allow him to be present when I gave birth. It was a secret until a few days after she was born, when I finally announced it. I took him to court and was granted full legal and residential custody of her when she was 3 months old. He has never once helped me with her and never gave me the time of day when I was pregnant. I allowed him to see her one time when she was 2 months old and it was a disaster. She is now almost 9 months old and I don't allow him to see her because he is dangerous and does nothing but threaten my life as well as my family and friends lives. If he was a good person I would have no issues allowing him to see her but he isn't. So with all that said, I'm sure that our situations are different, but they are also very similar. If he wants to be in your child's life now I say yes allow him to be, but I would wait until he gets out of jail for them to meet. I wouldn't recommend bringing the baby to the jail. That is no environment for the child to be in. Good luck with everything, and I hope that I could be a little help to you.

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