You are here

Get Answers

Sometimes it's nice to get advice from experts with a lot of letter degrees behind their names, but other times, you just need to hear what another parent (with a M.O.M. behind her name) has done that has worked. You've got questions? These moms have answers.

day care teacher behavior- acceptable ?

7 answers
I am a first time mom and this feels wrong to me, but I dont' know and would like to hear what others think. My daughter's (almost 3) daycare teacher took away her "baby ", a fluffy toy because "she is not a good listener" and my daughter repeats almost verbatim what her teacher says when she is play acting, which is almost all the time. The teacher also says things comparing her to other kids like "see Mother knows all his numbers and alphabets, you dont know your numbers". I am wondering if this is a bad thing for my kid or if this is ok in the sense that it will push her a little or will it mess with her head and squash her interest in learning ? she does talk a lot about her teacher saying "you are not a good listener". usually is its said to me pretending to be her and she pretends to be her teacher. The age range for this class is rather large- 2.75 years to about 4. This daycare has so far been very good for her and it is a new class that she is in. I wonder if she should move somewhere else ? I am reluctant to take her out because this is the third daycare - the first two having some very bad scary situations .thanks for any inputs

answers (7)

I think it depends on the context of the situation and the way things are said and your 3 year old isn't going to be able to relay that. (example: she is comparing by insulting your child vs. comparing by helping your child see that she is just as smart as so and so and can learn her numbers too)I would talk to the teacher and ask about disciplinary rules (taking something from the child as a consequence to not listening) and teaching strategies. Get it straight from the teacher and then compare to what your child is saying.It sounds like this has been a great place for your daughter and is working well for everyone. I wouldn't be quick to tear her out unless you really feel this can't or isn't being resolved. 
that doesnt sound right at all. this teacher could be creating self esteem problems for your daughter. you shouldn't compare children to each other. if your daughter needs to learn her numbers, the teacher needs to say "why haven't you learned your numbers? i know you can because you're smart. you just have to keep working at it." it doesn't matter if your kid is a genius or dumb as a box of rocks, you tell them they're smart. you never make them feel inferior to the other children. this is something you should definitely talk to this woman about. you should word it a little more diplomaticly than i did, but just let her know that comparing your daughter to other children is bad for her budding self esteem. taking her doll away, however, is just a punishment. i don't see any reason this would do long term damage, though it might upset her. but it's a punishment. it shouldn't make her happy.
There is no reason whatsoever for pressure to be put on an almost three-year-old to learn letters or numbers. It is not developmentally appropriate, and is emblematic of the way academics are drifting down to younger and younger age groups. Your child's "job" at this age is to learn to make friends, socialize, share, and and begin to be inspired to learn. Kids her age do not have long attention spans. Perhaps because it is a combined-age classroom, the expectations are being set by the oldest children, and the teacher has lost sight of what is a reasonable expectation for the younger children. At that age, a few months makes a big difference. I once ran a large preschool and am an educational psychologist, now a consultant. I do not feel your child's teacher should be comparing her to others, or punishing her for being a typical three-year-old by taking her attachment object. That could be damaging. Also, there could be circumstances you don't know about and should flesh out. I'd speak first to the teacher in a non-accusatory, fact-gathering way, and then go to the director if you remain concerned, but I would not ignore it.Lori
I agree wit hLori Day very much. Id say if something is going on with your child that you feel uncomfortable then that means thats not how youre rasing your daughter. I personally feel that if im trying to raise my kid one way then i want everyone else involved in my childs life to abide by my wishes. YOu are the one rasing your child not this teacher. You need to schedule a sit down meeting with the teacher & ask her whats been going on with your child (id say itd be life conferences.) Then if what your daughter has been saying is true talk to the teacher about how youd prefer things be handled with your daughter. & i also feel taking away your childs comfort item as punishment is not ok. This is going to upset her much more. & it is wrong for the child to be comparing your daughter to other kids. Your child is not like every other child so its no ig deal if she doesnt know everything that some other child knows. A 3 year old can only learn so much before the pressure becomes overwhelming then they dont want to keep trying to learn these new things. & if your daughters teacher will not respect your wishes on how youd like things handled with your child then I would take her out of that class. Stick up for your daughter & what you feel is & is not ok. Good luck.
there is no reason as to why a 3 yeard old should not know her numbers and letters. my child is 18 months and can recite the full alphabet and count from 1-10. it's called flashcards, people!
I have worked at a daycare for 8 years in every age group, and no it doesnt sound right.  I do know that sometimes they make what we say sound worse then way we said it.  I wouldnt talk  to the teacher about it I would go to the directer that is what they are for.  If you just go to the teacher nothing may get done about it cause she is the only one that knows. and just to say something about the last comment  that makes me really upset because who cares when your child learned those things all kids learn things at diff speeds  she may need a little more help     hope this helps
I'm baffled as to why kids know their numbers and abc's before they use the potty. But back to your question, I don't think it should be required for your child to have to learn that kind of stuff at the day care. And unless your child is being rude and disrespectful, she should be allowed to keep her toy. I would talk to the teacher and the main person in charge at the same time to get the matter resolved. Just have someone else watch your child when you are at the meeting. Maybe it is just miscommunication?

*DISCLAIMER's Answers are provided by members of our community. While your fellow moms and our editors have plenty of great advice to offer based on their experience, it is not a substitute for professional medical help. Always consult a medical professional when seeking medical advice. All submitted answers are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use