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Didnt see it coming...

5 answers
So shortly after i became pregnant, my boyfriend at the time proposed to me. I was ecstatic, however, i questioned his reasoning. I wondered if it was because I was pregnant, or because he really wanted to. He swore that he loved me and wanted to be a happy family. Went through my pregnancy, we got our own place, everything was great. I had my son on April 1 of this year, and things started to go down hill. We started arguing about all the small things, we both figured it was because of all of the stresses of having a new baby to take care of. But with all of the insecurities between us and just not getting along, we decided to have a heart to heart talk. As it turns out, he only proposed because i was prego, and he never even loved me!! and doesn't now.. he has "love for me" but doesn't love me.. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that i am quite devastated. I would have given that man the world, now i come to find out that the entire relationship was a waste of time, and a lie. He had me fooled for a year and a half. I don't really have a question, other than idea's on splitting up time with our four month old because I'm moving out. I just needed to vent a little and see some thoughts from some others that may have been in a similar situation at all.. Thanks for listening, well, reading.

answers (5)

My first husband only married me because 'it was the right thing to do.' I'd give him every other weekend visitation because that is what a judge would do. But get the custody arrangement taken care of sooner than later. If you wait too long, there could be problems. And never say hurtful things in front of the child.
I spilt up with the father of my oldest child while I was still pregnat. He left town (because God was calling him too...what ever that means) and never had much contact with his daughter until 2 years later when I decided to sue for child support. The most important thing when deciding a visitation schedule is the childs well being. Try everyother weekend and one night a week, that's what most judges would agree on. Try to get everything is writing as soon as possible. The sooner you move everything into a legal document the more legally protected you are.  I know it seems silly to get everything legally written down, if you both agree but it really isn't. I wish you the best of luck!
It is the best thing to have everything in written form and notorized as an "insurance". As long as you both care for the child and both love the child you shouldn't need a judge to help you to decide that you want to see the child ad you two should be able to work a schedule out between the two of you. You can also arrange for someone else to join you two during the exchange or someone else to fill in if you two cannot face seeing each other at first. But defnitley get it in writing because you do not know how a few months or a new partner will try to change the arrangement I've seen it happen to friends of mine way to often. and speak of the child support now if you do or may need or want it. and if he has a problem with it remind him that the judge can make him pay the back child support as a lump some!
Thank  you for all of your input. I appreciate it. Just crazy trying to figure out things that i thought i would never have to do. I really wish things could work out, but you cant make someone love you, right? oh well i guess, better now than later down the road when our son could be more affected by it.
I am a firm believer that a child would rather come from a broken home that live in one. It may be cliche, but true. My daughter's father adored me until I found out I was pregnant, suddenly he "just couldn't picture himself with someone like me". It honestly turned out to be quite the blessing in disguise, because he turned out to be NOTHING like the person I thought he was. I spent a lot of time trying to please him in our agreements, and it only turned out to bite me in the butt. I agree with everyone else that it is crucial to get things in writing, because you may be getting along now but not all days may go so smoothly. Stand your ground, don't ever let yourself be pushed around, but always be sure to look at the situation as a whole. The court system doesn't care about you or the father, only what's in the child's best intrest. As long as you go into with your child's best intrest in mind, you'll be alright. It's unfortunate that like doesn't always work out the way we had hoped for or wanted, but (yet another cliche) everything does in fact happen for a reason. I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world, and I am thankful to have met her father who helped to make that possible... but if things wouldn't have fallen through I wouldn't have married the most amazing husband and step-dad me and my daughter could have ever hoped for. Sometimes bad things happen so that ever better things can. Best of luck to you, truly!

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