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Friend son beats up my son!
My good friend and I have 2 year old boys. Her son is often aggressive and pushes, hits or kicks my son. When this happens, my friend doesn't really do anything. She'll say "Oh, don't hit" to her son, and then makes excuses to me like "He doesn't mean to be mean" but not much more. I'm tired of my son getting beat up, but I don't know how to tell my friend that I don't approve of the way she handles the situation. What can I say or do, tactfully, to help her realize that no matter what, her sons actions are not acceptable?
You need to be honest with her. While it's understandable that kids of this age are going to be a little aggressive it's necessary that parents step in to teach their kids what is right and what is wrong. The next time it happens and she says, "He doesn't mean to be mean" tell her you don't like that her son is so aggressive toward yours. Tell her you worry about your son's safety, that at some point he's going to get hurt, especially if her son starts throwing toys or hitting with toys.It's hard to address these situations that come down to differences in parenting styles because you can come off as being overly critical. However, this is a safety issue so it's a little different. Just be honest about your concerns.
What VforVenture said. And I'll add that if your friend's son continues hitting your son, then it might be worthwhile to stop having playdates together. If you want to keep her as a friend, keep seeing her - just without the boys.
I instructed my child to defend herself when this happend. My friend was surprised and said all her other friends just let her child abuse them. I explained that my child had self respect and would not allow other to treat her that way. Her child never tried to abuse me child. "Treat others the way you want to be treated" was the lesson learned and respect yourself enough not to allow others to walk on you no matter how small you are. End of story!
specialmom69, aren't you worried that your child will see this as the greenlight to become the aggressor? What if a child simply snatches a toy from her, and she decides that she's sticking up for herself by hitting the offending child? Violence is never okay, no matter who started it. She can respect herself by simply not playing with this child, and you can respect her by not allowing the behavior to continue. If you're having a playdate with another mom and child and the other child hits yours, suggest a time out is in order, or perhaps that the kids are tired and cranky and the playdate can resume another day.
Specialmom69, I am glad that you spoke up about this. Our society is teaching people that we should expect to be hit, shoved, and pushed down, We need more mothers to stand up and teach the children to have self respect. Many children have grown up being the child who was hit,shoved and pushed down. When they grow up they see what has happened to them and they decided to be the aggressor. This is the basic reason of why we have so much violence in our society now. Before this idea of not correcting our children caught on. We as parents and grandparents stoped the agressor and they learned this behavior to be unacceptable. But now the defenseless child learns to become the agressor because they see the agressor turning out to be on top.