You are here
future disrespect and bad habits...
We have some in-laws that are very excited about our new baby. I would be happy to eventually let them babysit and spend time with our daughter, but there's some concerns. Firstly, his kids treat him with absolutely no respect. The 6 year old's favorite words are "idiot" and "dou***-bag". The father of all of these boys (3 boys from 6yrs to 20) seems unconcerned about his kids picking up these bad habits from their older brothers, kids on the playground, and mostly from him. How do I prepare my daughter to enter this household of swearing, unruly, and generally undisciplined kids?
Always let her know thats wrong. make a huge deal when she ever says something like that and how horrible it sounded and let her know that saying that will have concequenses !!i am in your same situation and sadly i just rather avoid her going to her cuzins as much as possible and when shes around them that they say something bad she tells them "that sounds horrible" and "mommy is going to take away your toys"Oh and dont let her hear you or your husband talking like that because then shell be like "well my mom and dad say it" and you always want your daughter to have a good image to look up too...!!
don't make a big deal about it, because then they'll do it for attention. Calmly punish the child just like you would any other bad behavior. As for letting these in-laws babysit, you really don't have to worry about them disrespecting you because this guy's kids disrespect him. They'll learn respect from you. I had friends when I was little who were extremely disrespectful to their mother. They told her to shut up and she'd just do it. I thought that was pretty cool. The first time I told my mother to shut up, she smacked me in my mouth before I even got the words out. she said "You don't talk to me that way, I'm your mama." I never did it again. I'm not suggesting corporal punishment, that's just the way my parents did things. The point is that you just have to be firm about how your kids are expected to behave. And remember, it's not the severity of the punishment that gets them, it's the consistency.
My dad is notorious for his occasional bad language so my nephew (who lives with my brother at my parents home) was taught from when he was little that bad word were only allowed to be said by daddies and papas. The only exception was he could say the words in his room... Funniest thing ever when he was about 6 or so I had him and our neighbors grandson in my car heading towards home and my nephew leaned over to his friend and said when we get back do you want to go to my room and swear?
I think it's really important for kids to have the information that different families have different rules. You are never going to be able to control what goes on in other people's houses and at the same time you do want her to have a relationship with her cousins. I wonder if it would work to set rules for the adults - if they want to babysit, they have to respect your rules. In regards to your daughter, if you are able to maintain your connection with her, if you are able to model respect in your interactions with her, and if you help her to understand what is okay or not okay in your house, she will be fine. When she's older, she may repeat some of the words and you can set limits around that. We did the same thing as Turcoise with our son - he could say "bad words" in his room and then reminded him of the rule if he forgot. It's a child's job to experiment and push limits. Redirecting them with empathy and having a good understanding of where they are developmentally will be more effective than a spanking or time out.