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Help me brainstorm!
This question got outta hand on a different site, so I'm gonna start by saying, I'm hoping for just a fun list of ideas and maybe some tales of first hand experience with this type of thing, both good and bad. I don't have a problem and I'm not needing any advice other than some ideas on how to tell my guy's out of state mom our news. She needs to be told in the most exciting, least upsetting way possible. We are certain his mom is going to be happy for us and excited about the baby, however, she is likely going to be hurt by the fact that he has let several major life events pass without telling her just because there was never a "good time to tell her" in his man mind. His current plan is like everything else, to wait to tell her until an opportunity presents itself for him to tell her either in person, if she ever takes a trip to see us, which could be a very long time from now... Or if they happen to get in an arguement over the phone and she is already mad... I pointed out that his plan is flawed because it is sure to upset her and wouldn't it be easier to just tell her nicely preferably before the baby is born? He agreed it would, so we came to a compromise. If I can come up with a "better" way to tell his mom we are expecting he will go with it. "Better" in his mind, is a situation where he doesn't have to tell her anything directly, no prep conversation, nothing over the phone. Just a package out of the blue that will convey the basic "you're gonna be a grandma" or something to that effect, and trigger a happy, excited phone call. I know this may sound inconsiderate to some, but trust that in this situation, it could be the most approprite way to go about this, and package sending is very normal for them. This is tricky because his main cconcern is that if we send the wrong thing, instead of being excited when she calls that she would be mad or hurt, we want to come up with something that has a low risk of upsetting her. This isn't an easy question and I understand most people wouldn't do things this way, but trust that we aren't going to send anything until we are absolutely sure it's the right thing to do. We are just trying to think up good ideas. We have plenty of time, we are still in the first trimester. For clarification sake (because it woulda been helpful last time I tried posting this), please understand; I don't know his mom, I've never met her. It would be strange for me to tell her without him. He has absolutely no intention of just calling her up and telling her, even though yes, it would be nice. I don't want to intervine in his relationship with his mom, I don't have any concerns about how he gets along with her, I am simply encouraging him to tell her in a timely manner since everyone else already knows and I think it's the right thing to do. He agrees, and is open to hearing ideas. So, anyone have any ideas?
You could get a bunch of #1 Grandma stuff; like a mug, t-shirt, everything you can find. Then get an ultrasound picture and put that with it. He could write a note to put in there with the due date and the sex of the baby if it takes that long to get this figured out. I hope this helps. Good luck :)
If her birthday is anytime soon you could send a small flower bouquet with a Happy Birthday Grandma balloon attached.
I agree with MommyOfZoo - send #1 Grandma stuff, picture of the ultrasound, AND include a picture of the two of you. And, definitely the sooner the better! Becoming a grandmother can thaw even the iciest of relationships, because babies are, well..babies! And 99% of women can't resist a baby! An example: my husband and I accidentally got pregnant with our last child at a most inopportune time (he had been laid off only 1 month prior to me discovering I was pregnant), and we were sure that both of our mothers would be very unhappy with us. The opposite turned out to be true, because they were overjoyed. And when it turned out to be a boy (the only one to carry on the family name), you would have thought we hung the moon! But, do tell her asap. We waited until the second trimester to tell our families about our first child, and they were all very disappointed we waited so long. And, we have good, close relationships with them (but lived out of state then, so it was easy to conceal). Good luck! And prepare yourself, because babies also bring extended families much more into your lives.
I think what MommyOfZoo and MomEaster are saying are great ideas!! Soon-to-be grandparents no matter the cicumstances will be delighted so I don't think you'd need to worry about sending the wrong thing. But waiting to the right moment not too great as that may not present itself in the next 9 months. Grandparents, most that I know, also like to be a part of the pregnancy as it makes them feel closer to their grandchild. Connection, they are all about that. Sooner the better.