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How can I make my four year old do what I ask?
Any time that I ask my four year old (girl) to say clean her room or don't play in the bathroom sink or stay out of the fridge, basically anything. She tells me no or just does the oppisite, I've had some problems with her father and she's telling me that he is the one telling her not to obey me, but I can't contact him nor can I say anything about it when we go to court because to them it's just hear say. I'm at my whit's end, I've went from time-out, to taking toys away, even taking t.v. privelages away even punishing her to her room nothing seems to work, I have no idea what to do from this point.
At this age, it is tough to get kids to do what you ask. A technique that works well is modeling for them and working along side them, showing them and helping them. Doing tasks together builds family unity. If you pass out instructions and then aren't there to supervise, guide, and correct, you can expect nothing will get done. She's seeking your attention by doing the opposite; she wants you to come after her and show her the right way. Think of it as training her up in the way she should go.
It's normal for kids to act out, especially during times of stress. You just have to be patient with her. Keep your discipline consistent. When she's misbehaving tell her why you want her to stop and tell her what will happen if she doesn't. Then give her two chances to change her behavior. If she doesn't, follow through with whatever discipline you've chosen. Do that every time. You should also sit her down so that you can talk to her. Fully explain what is going on in your lives (I'm assuming it's a divorce and/or custody battle). Tell her how much you love her. Ask her how she feels about what's going on and answer any questions she has. Then tell her how her misbhaving makes you feel and tell her how much you'd like her to listen to your rules.