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how do I control my angry 4yr old?
Hello, I have a almost 4yr old who has been through quiet a bit in the last 2yrs since his sister was born in October 09. After having my daughter via c-section I got MRSA and was hospitalized for 4 weeks, he was 2yrs old at the time and he still remembers me being carried out of the house on a stretcher and going to the hospital with the ambulance. I didn't see him again for about 3 weeks (my husband snuck him up to the hospital to see me, looking back I don't think letting him go there was a good idea) I came home and was only home 1 week and was hospitalized again for kidney failure and sutamonis, I was there another almost 2 weeks. All together I was gone in and out for 5 months. So needless to say he had not o ly a new baby to deal with but I was not there to comfort him and reassure him it was OK. Between my mom and my husband they had to take care of the baby, me and him so he was kind of left put from the start. After that I had other procedures that didn't allow me to hold him like I used to, I just recently had a hystorectomy (I'm 28) from the MRSA tearing me apart, we had to move in with my mother in law 2 days before my surgery, and I was again hospitalized for a week, then i came home for about a week and returned to the hospital because the MRSA came back so I was in the hospital again for a week. My son has grown very attached to my mother in law now and its hard because I feel like he loves her more and I almost wonder if he is angry because he thinks i am going to leave again. My husband and i have also been going through some issues and my husband has a bad temper so I know where my son is getting the hitting thing (he hits walls, tables, ect NEVER people) and he has started telling me and my husband that he hates us he recently broke our TV he threw a sippy cup at it and when we asked him why he said because he doesnt like us, he hates us. My doctor re com ends he see a specialist but I don't want them to try and put him on medication. What can I do to control my son and reassure him its all OK and to not be so angry? Desperate mom. I am feeling like a horrible mother cause I lose my temper with him. Lord knows I try to calmy talk to him but at 4 he knows how to push buttons. Also I for hot to mention that my mother in lawspoils him rotten! He thinks every time we go to the store he needs a toy because of her!
There is nothing wrong with taking him to see a therapist. He won't automatically get prescribed medication. A therpaist will help both you and your son find better ways of expressing yourselves and can give you better methods of disciplining your son.Under the circumstances it's completely normal that your son would prefer your mother in law. She's been his primary caregiver and if she spoils him he'll like her that much more. The first thing you need to do is have you rmother in law treat your son the way you do. The discipline, rewards, etc. all have to be the same for everyone who takes care of your son. If you need to have your husband talk to his mother, do that. Your husband also needs to get his anger issues under control. Your son should not be exhibiting the kind of behavior you've described. He may not hit people yet, but if this continues he will. My husband has anger issues from his PTSD but he does everything in his power to keep himself under control in front of our kids. All adults in your son's life need to model appropriate behvior if you want your son to behave properly.