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How do I get my 8 yr. old to stop arguing everytime I say 'no'?
My 8 yr. old son argues, whines and throws regular temper tantrums when told 'no' to a request. He continues arguing and talks louder and louder when I try to reason with him. I eventually give up and give in (albeit partially) to his requests or I end up losing my patience and yelling. I have tried saying no and ignoring the rest of his bad behavior but it is increasingly hard because he will follow me around the house and will NOT let go of his demands! He also becomes defiant, refusing to go to a timeout or serve his punishment. I'm at a loss as to how to curb this type of behavior! Help!
My little cousin was the same way at that age because someone somewhere along those 8 years gave into her demands. Her mother tried ignoring her and putting her foot down but she would scream so loud and thrash herself around on the floor it was unbareable to deal with. I went to visit her last year (and mind you i'm military and grew up in a military household) So i have very little tolerance for behavior problems.I watched for days as my aunt tried to ignore her and try to punish her my patience was begining to ware thin. When i seen the look of embarrassment on my aunts face as she threw her little tantrum because she wanted to play on my computer that i was working on and i told her 'no' that was it for me.I stormed into her room and took every toy, every board game, every book, computer, ipod, phone, tv gaming system, EVERYTHING! and shoved it into a box and put it in my car. She screamed and yelled started throwing things. So then i took every dvd, video game, along with the dvd player and systems out of the living room boxed those up and put them in my car as well. By this point my little cousin was losing it. My aunt didn't know what to to but just stand there and watch. So my cousin decided to have the idea to start hitting her mom so i stepped in threw her thrashing little body over my shoulder and sat her on the couch. She tried to get up and run away but i kept grabbing her and sitting her back down. Trust me they will get tired eventually.When she finally figured out she couldn't win that battle she started yelling again saying she hated me and wish i died blah blah blah. When she finally stopped that i knelt down to her level to talk to her face to face talking down to a child isn't going to help in that situation. Yes you still need to be the one incharge but talking down to them especially at that age is disrespectful regardless. So i said to her "yeah i don't really like you too much either right now, you are making a fool of yourself and your mom and truthfully i am ashamed to say you're related to me." I told her that she wouldn't get back anything at all and that i was going to give it to some kid who didn't have anything and would appreciate so nice of things she had. She cried more and begged me to give her stuff back. I said i would give her two toys of my choice and she would only get those (no watch tv or playing on her mothers or my computers either) until she showed her mother and i that she deserved the rest which meant no tantrums, no yelling and screaming, no hitting. I told her every day she went without any of that she would get more of her toys back. But if she threw a tantrum she would get everything taken away again and start from the beginning.The first few days were rough. She still threw a tantrum or two but not as bad or as frequent as before then slowly but surely she started to adapt and when she realized i stood by my promise and gave her a few more toys and games everyday the better she was. When a week passed without any tantrums or fits i put the tv back in her room. She was so excited and i told her she goes another week she would get her video game system back with one game. She said ok. Turn out she didn't even watch tv that much but instead played with her toys, read books or played outside. My leave was over so i had to go home she came up and hugged me and apologized for saying she hated me and never wanted me to die. I kept tabs on her with her mom and when she told me that she'd been a 2 months without a tantrum i bought her a bike and had it shipped to her house. I
I flew down last month to celebrate her 10th birthday. Her mom was telling me she hasn't thrown a tantrum since i left. My other aunt says what i did would tramatize my cousin and i should be ashamed that i did that to a child. No kidding two mins later he 6 year old son threw a huge tantrum and she just tried to talk him down then ignore him which made him freak out more. My little cousin ran up and asked if she could take all his toys away so he would stop that cause it really annoyed her.I understand when it comes to parenting to each their own. I'm sorry this post was so long but for to get the whole picture i had to tell the whole story. I really hope this helps with your little boy. Just have patience and understand that it doesn't happen over night that it does take time and alot of work.
because you have given in before, he knows that all he has to do is bug you long enough , and eventually you will cave in. at ten, i don't think that a time out is going to do much. he is old enough to have privledges revokes. when he begins to argue with you, walk away and tell him that when he is ready to talk to you in a respectful manner, and take no for no, you will discuss it. (if you want to discuss it) when he presses the issue, take away the tv, computer, video games, etc. one by one. and stick to it. don't give it back when he throws a fit. let him know that you mean business. try your best no to yell back at him. it will only escalate the situation. your are trying to teach him respect, so in turn you need to show some to him.
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