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How do I get my husband to help with the kids without causing a fight?
My husband refuses to do more than cook and ocassionally play with the children, the only other thing he does is discipline them or turn around and undo my punishments. If I confront him he gets mad saying I do not appreciate what he does do. I do appreciate what he does but I am getting worn out handling all three children by myself while he goes off playing with his friends all day. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ASK, or have you resorted only to nagging and confronting? And when he does help, do you thank him nicely, or do you get annoyed that he's done it all "wrong" and re-do it your own way?Yes, your husband should be pitching in voluntarily... but the truth is that wives very often discourage their husbands from doing their share, because women are territorial about their homes and their kids and tend to like things "just so." So instead of just ignoring it when the hubby folds the towels wrong or puts mismatching clothes on little Becca, Mom instead flips out and says something like, "That's not how that goes! No, just leave it alone, I'll fix it myself." Thus, hubby/dad becomes reluctant to help because he always gets criticized and can never seem to do anything right. Or sometimes he never gets ASKED for help, so he either thinks you've got it all under control, or he isn't being "taught" when he should roll up his sleeves and jump in. Or, related to that, he's given vague directives like, "Will you just help me out here??" rather than, "Would you please entertain Melissa for maybe 30 minutes while I give Jacob his bath? Thanks, honey, love you!" Men respond best to clear directions, and they also appreciate a confirmation that they've done well (aka, a thank you and praise for a job well done), as well as feeling needed.
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