You are here

Get Answers

Sometimes it's nice to get advice from experts with a lot of letter degrees behind their names, but other times, you just need to hear what another parent (with a M.O.M. behind her name) has done that has worked. You've got questions? These moms have answers.

How do you ask you MIL to step back?

7 answers
My MIL actually calls herself mommy to my children isn't by accident. I know that she loves our children very much, but she consistently crosses the line. If I am trying to comfort one of my children, she has actually taken them for my arms. I have remained calm about a lot of things, because I know that she means well, but I feel so disrespected....and as if she believes we are not good parents. What do I do?

answers (7)

Honestly you have a couple of options here1. Say nothing, hope she stops2. My favorite ask your husband to talk to her about the behavoir3. Take her aside and say "MIL although I really appreciate everything you do for MY children and MY family I need you to understand how I feel when you say that you are their Mommy or you take them out my arms when they are crying it makes me feel as though you think I am not good enough and I know you would never want to do that so I needed to bring it up so we can agree that if Timmy or Susie is crying that unless I ask for your help that I will deal with it, and I know how lucky timmy and susie are to have you as a "Grandma, Nana, MeMaw" whatever the title is and I want them to know that is what you are to them so the title will always hold a special place in their hearts ... just fr you""
My MIL took my daughter out of my arms once.  I took my baby back and said, "I'm the mommy"
Has your MIL put any effort into picking out a special "grandma name"? If yes, emphasize that name whenever you and your children are in her presence. If not, suggest to her that she do so. Try to be on the lookout for her trying to take your kids out of your arms in the future, and gently block her from doing it (put your arm up or say something like "It's ok, I've got this") so that you don't have to start a tug-of-war by taking them back (or put up with the snatching).
To be completly honest with you my husband and I got so fed up with family members Especially my mother going back on what we asked as parents and telling us how to be parents that we stopped letting them around our kids until they respected what we asked.  Some of them did what we asked and have improved and others like my own mother hates me for it but when it all comes down to it you made those kids you went through nine months and then labor so they are your kids and you are their parent sometimes you may just have to stand your ground....
OMG! your tolerance level is high, i wouldn't last 2 seconds of that. MILs take a back sit, they get demoted. They know this and that is why they do everything they can to always be center stage. You are allowing her to behave like this, you are giving her the power by lacking assertiveness. When you take back your power she's going to act all ofended, but that is not your problem. I don't know if I'll have the patienece to have my husband do the talking if he is not bothered by her behavior. It bothers you, you talkl to her, you are a big girl. GIRL POWER!!
wow, you really need to stand up for yourself. clearly, you have a lot of tolerance, which is good to an extent. however, you need to take charge of the situation, and let her know how you feel. you are the mother, not her. she had her chance at raising kids, and now it's your turn. that crap wouldn't last 5 mintues in my house. i would esort her to the door immediately and tell her not to let the door hit her ass on the way out. stop putting up with it, and then you will have control of the situation.
Next time she has them call her mommy, kindly ask her to leave until she can remember who bore them. If my MIL did that, I'd snap before you could blink. Make her think about her actions or cut her out until she can come to your terms.

*DISCLAIMER's Answers are provided by members of our community. While your fellow moms and our editors have plenty of great advice to offer based on their experience, it is not a substitute for professional medical help. Always consult a medical professional when seeking medical advice. All submitted answers are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use