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How to I Tame my 5 year old?

4 answers
.My daughter is extremely bright, and is exceptionally well behaved at school, to the point where her teachers tell me they use her as a good example to the other children who are not so well behaved, yet at home it is total chaos, she throws fits and tantrums in shops, scratches and smacks me,stomps her feet, screams,whines and basically raises my blood pressure beyond what is normal. Please does anyone have any advise, I have tried everything. I need to find a solution out of this problem. I will add that she will apologize when her temper is calm, or if i threaten to tell her teacher, she quickly adjusts her behavior, I dont want to keep doing that as i know that it will become ineffective soon. I love her so much she really is incredible, how do i get her to listen or just respect my wishes as she does her ! teachers."

answers (4)

Two things here: some kids work hard to "keep it together" at school and need to "fall apart" once home. Allow time and space for decompressing when she gets home. Second, it sounds like she responds well to the structure and schedule at school. Maybe it's time to ask yourself the hard question of how do I add and promote chaos in my home? Are there routines in place? Are there consistent consequences? You don't need to threaten; have expectations in place with consequences. She acts this way at home because it gets her what she wants. She doesn't act that way at school becuase it doesn't get her what she wants. Remember disciplining a child means to TEACH a child how they should act. Discipline does not mean not loving them or being mean to them! Kids need rules and boundaries. Without them, chaos will rule. Don't give her any emotional reactions; this is her cue she's on the path to getting her way. Quietly and firmly give consequences. You have incredible power as Mom and Family Manager. Raising kids is showing them how to "be" in this world. Make sure you are teaching and showing her that. Seems the school has already done so; be confident you can, too!
I agree with the previous answer! Kids need rules and boundaries. Ali214 hit on it some, but I would encourage "Alpha Speech" (Dr. John Rosemond- The Well Behaved Child). Instead of "please clean your room okay?" try "It's time for you to clean your room now." You imply that you expect something of you daughter and nothing less. Let your yes be yes and no be no. With the tantrum throwing I would suggest this: Pick a "special tantrum room". (bathroom- she'd have a toilet if she needed and a faucet for water, bedroom) Let her know that she can throw all the tantrums she wants, but only in the specific place you show her. When the tantrum starts she either needs to go to the room or you take her there. If you have to take her there then a consequence is in order. (going to bed after dinner, not having a friend over, etc.) You are now putting the ball in her court. You take the stress off you and place it on her. It's her choice. Plus she now has no audience.I would really recommend Dr. John Rosemonds book 'The Well-Behaved child: discipline that REALLY works!'  He has some great ideas on dealing with discipline for children. Check out his website've found this really helped for me and my family.
Just adding to the other two... always follow through on what you say. When you are shopping, if your daughter throws a fit, tell her she can stop, or you will leave. Once you're headed home in the car with no groceries, they get the hint pretty fast. When my daughter (almost the same age) gets out of control, she gets sent to her room and stays there. Eventually she gets bored and calms down. At that point she can come back down. We don't shut her in or anything... she knows when she gets told to go, she goes! We let her have her dolls and stuff that is in her room, but sometimes just that little quiet break is what she needs! Often we find her having a little laydown in bed. As parents we need a little peace during the day to remain sane, and we can't expect less for our kids! Plus, pay attention to your home life. If everybody else is yelling and being rowdie, they will too. If you have a quiet (I mean peaceful) loving home, it is easier for the kids to relax!
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