You are here
How old is too old for a child to be sleeping with her parent?
My boyfriend has a 3 year old daughter. He gets her overnight every other weekend. When he lived with his parents she slept with him. No we have a house together and she is still sleeping with him. This is beyond frustrating for me. We have talked about it but he get's angry when I put my 2 cents is where his parenting is concerned. He spoils her rotten. He rarely disciplines her. He coddles her and pleads with her to change her attitude, or pick up her mess, or not to hit or throw things. It's ridiculous. He feels that since he is only a part time parent he should make her as happy as she can possibly be so he's the favourite. Ya, he's the favourite (for a 3 year old that's pretty much whoever they are with who is letting them have their way), he gives her everything she wants when she wants it. He complains that his ex is inconsistent with punishment but he rarely punishes anything. He gives time outs because he doesn't believe in spanking. That's fine, if HE were consistent. Anyhow, the sleeping with daddy thing is putting a HUGE monkey wrench into our relationship for me. I can see her sleeping with him when he lived with his parents but we live together now. She has her own room. A HUGE room with her very own bed yet he won't even try to put her in it. She sleeps in her own room at her mother's house, NOT with her mom and step-father. I seriously do not think she should be sleeping with us. Actually, I started sleeping elsewhere on the nights she is here and he is just fine with that. He actually suggested that "I" sleep in her room. Yesterday was our first anniversary and I slept in her room with the dog while she slept in our bed with him. What's wrong with this picture???? On another note..... at what point should the parents ditch the binky? She's 3 and it will start to mess up her teeth if she sucks on that thing all the time. he won't even try to break the habbit. Her babysitter said she does just fine without it when she is there but he won't even try and gets angry with me when I put it away.
The easy question first: If she is still using a pacifier it is already damaging her teeth. Pacifiers should definitely be gone by age 2, but earlier is better. I took them away from my kids when my daughter was 9 months old and my son was 8 months because I wanted them gone before they got emotionally attached to them. I didn't have any trouble and my kids never wanted them after that.As far as sleeping goes, that's trickier. My daughter is almost 3 and she is currently sleeping with me. But, we're not in a normal situation, we were staying with my family and have been in a hotel for over a month while we wait to close on our house. Once we've gotten settled in she'll be back in her own bed in her own room. My husband and I have no problem with her sleeping with us occasionally but I'll be co-sleeping with our new baby after she's born, so our kids need to be in their own rooms, and generally they're fine with that.I do think that at 3 years old any child should be sleeping in their own room, at least most of the time. I understand your boyfriend's desire to have his daughter love him. He's not the primary parent in her life and having a good, close relationship is probably very important to him. But, a good parent-child relationship isn't built on giving a child everything she wants. Children need, and actually want, clear boundaries and rules. They need that structure. Your boyfriend should read some parenting books or maybe even take a parenting class. Parenting a child is fun, but it's also work. The goal is to love, teach and guide children into adulthood, not to be their best friend.
I made the mistake of letting my first son sleep with me and it got to the point I COULDN'T get him out! he was finnaly 5-6 when he was complately in his bed! so to me I woule never let my children sleep with me again, his daughter will still love him the same if she sleeps in her own room. BUt of course it is him you need to convince!I agree with the PP he should take some parenting classes and read some books.and get rid of that binky! She should have stopped with that at least a year ago!
I'd be more firm with him and tell him to quit treating you like the child. You shouldn't need to sleep in her bed. Tell him he can go to her bed and sleep with her there if he feels he must sleep with her. And hopefully her bed isn't big enough for both of them to fit in comfortably. Also, if he babies her now, she will have issues at your house when she gets older. ex) she wants her boyfriend to spend the night in her room.... She isn't supposed to be his best friend, he is supposed to be her father.
Im not a co sleeper my daughter has her crib in her own room I think it's better to do that because, me and my husband won't get to sleep together if I let her sleep with us and plus it might cause seperation anxiety. But I think shes at the age that she should have her own room.
Plus if you have a problem with it tell him, can't just let him do whatever you guys are together a couple you need to let him know he needs to act like it.
well they should have stopped early because a child learns oh i dont wnat to sleep in my room because they are to used to get to sleep with their parents so you need to stop NOW ease it on at first let her fall asleep in your bed than move her into her roomand i f she wakes up in the middle of the night and is scared let her come in your room but only do this for about 2 days and then explain to her you slept in here for allitle while and nothing happened your ok we wont let anything hurt you thann after about 2 days still put her to sleep in your room than move her but if she wakes up in the middle of the night dont let her in and after about a week or so put her in her room read her a story and until she falls asleep than leave her and than about after a week than dyou can still do story time but not intils he goes to sleep do NOT tell her about your plan and make sure to have a night light in her room where she can see the light and dont close the door all the way unless its really loud..