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i feel like i'm in this alone...........

2 answers
my baby's father is driving me nuts. i feel like i am the ONLY one who really looks into what the baby needs, and i know right now we can't afford to make this work. i'm doing my best, but i feel like he just doesn't worry about the new baby. he has a two year old of his own and he is like all in for taking care of him, in fact, all he does is worry about "oh what does jaysen need right now?" or "jaysen probably wants this or that" like i don't think jaysen will be very independant at all because his dad just cottles him and gives him whatever he wants, even when he is lecturing him, saying "you can't always have what you want" he is in the middle of giving him what it is he wants! its so frusterating. and i'm pregnant and scared and emotional but he wont even cut me any slack, he doesn't help me figure things out very much, he just says "don't stress" but then he is willing to fight with me and stresses me out more than anything else i'm dealing with. he has to go to some clinic every morning for methadone because his doctor prescribed it for pain and he got addicted to the norcos he used to take so he had to quit them, and i am proud of him for getting off those pills, but it makes me so mad because he goes EVERY morning, and its the first thing he does when he wakes up. he says it will only take a few more months, but i'm afraid he will still be there when the baby is born. this morning i told him i needed to talk to him and he has to go to that clinic and not just that but he has to STAY another hour, so i'll just have to wait until he gets back....i'm so tired of that place being more important. i'm tired of his son being more important than our baby. i'm just tired of feeling alone. i'm so scared i can't make this work for my baby, what if i can't? i don't want to give it up for adoption...but is that the most responsible thing for me to do? give the baby it's best chance? i mean call me selfish, but i want to raise my own child...what do i do??

answers (2)

First of all, your boyfriend is doing what he needs to do for his own health. And at this point, that should be his main priority. If he was addicted to pain killers he absolutely has to do whatever is necessary to get himself healthy before your baby arrives. Don't take that personally. In this respect, he's doing what's best for everyone.As far as his son being more important goes, it's completely understandable. There's a saying that goes, "A woman becomes a mother as soon as she knows she's pregnant. A man becomes a father the first time he holds his baby." Men can't really relate to what it's like being pregnant. It's an extremely abstract concept to them and for many men it's not real until they can hold their baby. I'm pregnant with our third baby and my husband still doesn't always get it. He doesn't come to doctor's appointments with me because he's done it twice before. Hearing the heartbeat isn't a big deal for him. Even trying to feel the baby move wasn't important for a long time. And no matter what happens, there are always way to make it work. If you want to raise your child, that's your right. It may be difficult, but you can do it. You can get on WIC and other assistance programs if you need them. There's a national program called Birthright that helps moms get clothes, diapers, formula and anything else they need for their baby. 
it is normal to be more sensitive in this period.

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