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I need some advice!

4 answers
Hey guys, my name is dina, I couldn't think of anyone to ask so I made this account. I'm 14, and 4 years ago I met my boyfriend alex. We started out being friends,good friends, and then after 2 years of knowing him we started going out. My mom doesn't really know most of my friends, and I am not allowed to date so I didn't tell her about alex being my boyfriend. We have been happily dating for a while now, I started to feel guilty about her not knowing about alex so I was gonna tell her. But alex used to smoke pot, and bongs and stuff, so I thought se would make usss break up, so I didn't tell her. I told him that I couldn't be with him if I had to worry that he was gonna overdose every day, so he quit drinking,doing drugs,smoking. And has been clean for about 4 months now, We had sex june 10th 2012, And it's hard for me to not talk about all these things to my mom but I am worried that she will be mad that I didn't tell her for 4 years.I never thought our relationship would be serious but it is, and I understand that I am young but I know how to love.I don't know how to tell her without hurting her.How can I tell my mother without it her heart getting broken?

answers (4)

I'll leave the "teenager in love" issue aside for right now. That's not the important part, even though I do have some opinions about that. The important thing is that you have a good, open relationship with your mother. Obviously, I don't know much about your relationship with her, but I can tell you (from experience) that unless you start strengthening your relationship now, it will probably never be strong. You need to talk to her about what's going on in your life. If you aren't comfortable coming clean about your relationship, ease into it. Instead of saying, "I've been dating this guy for four years", just tell her you like him. Then you can figure out how much information to give up based on her reaction.
I know everyone thinks I'm stupid for thinking we are in love, but I just gotta let everyone know. I know we probably won't last,but for the moment I love him, I don't regret nor will I ever forget loosing my virginity to him, even one day when I am married and have kids, sex with him is what I wanted at that moment. We were safe, condoms,birth control, so no matter what anyone says I am happy with what I did, and you can't make me feel bad about it. Now on to my mom, thanks for the advice, I plan on telling her, shes gonna judge me but oddly I would rather her hate me for what I did, then for me to hate myself for not sharing this with her.
I'm not trying to judge you or make you feel bad about the decisions you have made. I know that some people really do fall in love at a young age and stay with the same person forever. I married my first boyfriend (but we met when I was 24). I know that when it's right, you just know. But, I also know what it's like to be a teenager...
I'm glad you're going to tell your mother and it does seem to be hurting you that you haven't been honest with her. I agree with VforVenture, EASE into it. It might come as a big blow to her and it will definately hurt if you tell her everything all at once. Keep in mind though, she might know more than you think she does, I thought my mom was naive when I was 14 but somehow she had her ways, all moms do ;-). It is important to tell her that you're sexually active though, and take heed to what your mom may have to say about that. About your boyfriend, I believe you and I feel in love when I was 14 too, I'll always care about him but at 14 I'm not sure if you're quite ready for such a serious relationship. I know at 14 I wasn't, I'm not saying you guys should break-up, but seriously, slow it down. You have so much time and you're so young. Trust me, you're not ready to deal with the possible consequences of sex, nothing is 100% and at 14 you're very fertile. A lot of the moms here along with me know all too well. Be careful and make sure he keeps good on his promise on giving up the drugs. You don't want to get mixed up in that mess.

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