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I think I have the "I know whats best" syndrome!
I met the man of my dreams towards the end of last year and his great 4 year old son during the beginning of this year. We have officially made the move in together and have our weekends with the little man. As time has gone on, I am starting to really resent my future mil. Lord forgive me. One thing in particular is how reliant my boyfriend still is on his mother as far as the child is concerned. Before we met, his son was always watched by grandma and in my opinion she has instilled some behavior that I find unacceptable. For instance, last night, we went over to pick him up and spend some quality time with grandma. The boy has started his tantrums with not wanting to eat dinner and will hysterically cry, while in the meantime Dad is making ultimatums about taking a few bites and grandma is persuading with cookies. When Dad isnt looking (and since I am only the girlfriend, not wanting to over-step), Grandma is taking the food off of his plate and eating it herself to make it appear as if the child is eating. Part of me is very reluctant to see how this will turn out one day. My instincts are telling me this behavior is terribly wrong, yet I don't want to over-step any boundaries as clearly, Grandma is very very important to both child and her son. What is the best thing for me to do in a situation like this? I have spoken with my boyfriend stating my concern, but one of my favorite mottos is, "Say something once its out of concern, say it a second time I'm trying to control." I was thinking about talking to my boyfriend about the importance to me of us becoming a family and making disciplinary decisions together along with the childs mom.
I think it's important for you to take a step back to look at this man objectively. He may seem like the man of your dreams, but what will happen once you two have children of your own? Will he let his mother act the same way with your children even if you disagree? If he is overly dependent on her now he probably won't change any time soon. And obviously you don't want your own children behaving the way his son does simply because his mother allows it. You may love this man and his son but you need to be with someone who shares your views on parenting and discipline. If not those issues will put a serious strain on your relationship. In fact, it sounds like that's already starting. If he can't see that his son's behavior is getting out of control and that his mother is the one encouraging the bad behavior, he may not really be the man of your dreams.