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Is it normal for my 9 year old step daughter to still pee her pants?

8 answers
My step daughter frequently has potty accidents in her pants. She doesn't have a particularly good reason when asked why she wet her pants. She gets upset when my husband or I ask her if she needs to go to the bathroom, or flat out refuses to go to the bathroom when asked by saying she doesn't have to go. Please help shed some light on this.

answers (8)

you need to take her to the doctor. there may be an underlying problem that is causing her to feel embarassed about going to the bathroom. try talking to her and see if she will express her reasons for not wanting to go.
I agree with Pink, there may be a medical condition causing this. I would ask her if it is ok to have her see her doctor about the problem. If you don't tell her and just take her it may embarass her further.
Honestly it's not  a medical prob. MOST the time. If you bring her to a dr. for this she will make sure it is for the attention.I peed in my bed as a child. When my father finally put me in diapes for bedtime I stopped right away.I think first you should start off rewarding her. Tell her for every day she doesn't pee on herself you will give her a star on a chart. If she gets 5 out of 7 she gets a reward. After she's successful with that make it 6 out of 7, that 7 out of seven. With a bigger reward if she does better than expected that week.If this doesn't work than punish for it. I honestly think going to a dr. first is a bad choice. MOST children do this for attention and if you bring her to the dr. she's getting that attention and your offering her a way to get more if she can make the dr. believe she's got a medical issue.Good luck
Thank you all for the thoughts on this.  I think we will try a blended solution by discussing with her (and pressing on reasons why).  After that set up a reward schedule as rjaffeux suggested.  As I too don't believe it is a medical problem.  As not to dismiss it completely after a week if the reward doesn't work, we will take her to the doctor.  She hasn't complained at if there would be a UTI for example.  It simply gets frustrating as there are already other problems around toileting and we feel they may all be behavior related. I/we just can't understand or empathize how she would be able to walk around like that without (at least on the surface)  wanting to clean up or be horribly embarrassed. Thank you for your comments, I appreciate the help and suggestionsL 
screw rewards! going to the potty has nothing to do with ethics. it's not about being good or bad. it's just a part of life. we all have to go through it.
You coments were helpful.  I agree with a reward system, it may help also establish a bonding process. Best wishes on the outcome, hopefully it is not a medical condition.
my little sister has the same problem and she's 11. she has a medical condition. You need to take your daughter to the doctor so they can give some pills that will help her
Hi- I noticed this post is about 3 years old and I'm wondering what ever happened with your daughter. We have been struggling with our daughter and accidents since she was 4. We've seen a urologist, a child psychologist and she is on medication for over active bladder. But on top of all that she will freely admit that she hates to go to the bathroom and often will avoid going even when it is obvious that she is about to burst. She is also still in pull ups at night. Pediatrician seems confident that one day the bedwetting will just stop but I honestly don't feel confident. I worry a lot especially since she is now old enough for sleep overs and possibly sleep away camp. Does your daughter still struggle with this. If not did she just outgrow it or would you credit something else with helping her. Thanks

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