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My 3 year old daughter has been very combative towards me?
She just started preschool, a month ago this behavior, kicking, hitting, and biting has come out of nowhere. I have been using time out to no avail, it is not subsiding but getting worse, I just started mommy time out and she hates it screaming and pounding on my bedroom door. I don't know what else to do? any advice would be helpful.
In my house physical agression towards people is not acceptable. You loose all access to that person until you can comunicate that you will treat them in a safe and loving manner. This has lead to velcroing writs and anchels together so no more climbinb and bouncing could take place on my wife's back. After 2-3 months of training like this, all we have to do now is escolate it verbally to "when you did ____ it hurt me or I fealt unsafe. That is not ok. You have a choice ot make, you can come here and give me a hug, and explain to me that you dont want to hurt me, or you can go into your room/play area/ etc where it is safe for you to behave that way. What do you choose?" As psyco bable as it sounds comming out of my mouth, its pretty darn effective. Also, dont allow yourself to counter-escalate. That will only teach her that she is doing it just how adults to it.... may something be found that can save your soul once that happens. -Tony
It sounds like maybe because the biting and hitting started around the time she started preschool that maybe she is experiencing severe separation anxiety. When children that are young are trying to meet basic needs, they often express their frustration in ways that can be hurtful to themselves and others. One of the basic needs, besides food and sleep, is a need for closeness. When she is put in a time out or when you go into your bedroom and lock the door, she is experiencing a lot of anxiety and perhaps fear of abandonment. I think Twinherders first suggestion of binding wrists and ankles is terrifying and is also abusive. His second suggestion sounds more reasonable. Toddlers and preschoolers are experiencing huge growth in their middle brains - the emotional centers of their brain. They express their needs and frustrations in Big Ways and they rely on us to show them how they should be expressing themselves that is not hurtful. My husband and I practice an empathy based parenting philosophy that has had a profound effect on our family and the relationship we have with our 4 year old son. We have found an incredible amount of support and learned tools that allow us to set and hold limits without punishment or rewards. the organization is called Echo PArenting and Education. Check it out: http://www.theechocenter.org/