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My 4 1/2 year old will not poo on the toilet. Tried everything! Help!

2 answers
Started potty and toilet 'training' at the normal time, read about it in a million places and followed all the "how to's" and "what not to do's". When she was very young she had a BM once on a little potty and it seemed to scare her. Then it took a long time to get her back on a potty or a toilet seat - i have had 3 sit-on pottys and 3 different seats that go on toilets. Tried everything, did it all the right way. She is a very intelligent child, doing Grade 1 schoolwork, active and happy. She eats extremely well, very healthy diet. No problem having a BM, just won't do it on the toilet. Has a BM daily and has a nice loose stool. Long ago, I told her to stay in the bathroom beside the toilet, figuring the proximity would help the suggestion that the toilet soon needed to be used. She uses a pull-up, defecates, then takes it off herself, dumps the feces in the toilet, wipes herself with toilet paper, puts the used pull-up in a garbage bag, wipes herself with wet wipes to be sure she's clean, redresses herself and brings the garbage bag out to the garage! Completely self-sufficient but won't go in the toilet. We sit her on the toilet and tell her to try, we've talked until we're blue in the face. After trying all the 'right ways' we read about we gave up and started trying bribery, etc. She goes to school but of course we have to make sure that she has her BM before school, because she won't use the toilet. Frankly we're worried that she'll be teased if people find out. Soon when she has to go to school 5 full days a week, it's going to start to be more of a problem. We don't want her embarassed, made fun of now or in 5 years. She just asks how long she has to try on the toilet for today, sits there, tries to push and keeps asking how soon she can get off. We've asked every question we can think to ask, we aren't getting anywhere. The added challenge is that she didn't go to daycare so had no kids to watch. No siblings to either set an example for, nor be motivated by to be a big kid like them. We're desperate for help. Thanks.

answers (2)

Started potty and toilet 'training' at the normal time, read about it in a million places and followed all the "how to's" and "what not to do's". When she was very young she had a BM once on a little potty and it seemed to scare her. Then it took a long time to get her back on a potty or a toilet seat - i have had 3 sit-on pottys and 3 different seats that go on toilets. Tried everything, did it all the right way. She is a very intelligent child, doing Grade 1 schoolwork, active and happy. She eats extremely well, very healthy diet. No problem having a BM, just won't do it on the toilet. Has a BM daily and has a nice loose stool. Long ago, I told her to stay in the bathroom beside the toilet, figuring the proximity would help the suggestion that the toilet soon needed to be used. She uses a pull-up, defecates, then takes it off herself, dumps the feces in the toilet, wipes herself with toilet paper, puts the used pull-up in a garbage bag, wipes herself with wet wipes to be sure she's clean, redresses herself and brings the garbage bag out to the garage! Completely self-sufficient but won't go in the toilet. We sit her on the toilet and tell her to try, we've talked until we're blue in the face. After trying all the 'right ways' we read about we gave up and started trying bribery, etc. She goes to school but of course we have to make sure that she has her BM before school, because she won't use the toilet. Frankly we're worried that she'll be teased if people find out. Soon when she has to go to school 5 full days a week, it's going to start to be more of a problem. We don't want her embarassed, made fun of now or in 5 years. She just asks how long she has to try on the toilet for today, sits there, tries to push and keeps asking how soon she can get off. We've asked every question we can think to ask, we aren't getting anywhere. The added challenge is that she didn't go to daycare so had no kids to watch. No siblings to either set an example for, nor be motivated by to be a big kid like them. We're desperate for help. Thanks
If she knows what she needs to do, then role modeling probably won't help.  If you feel she needs a role model for the toilet you would be a good candidate for the job.Don't make her is on the toilet and try, it has become a negative experience for her.  It sounds like sitting on the toilet is something she dreads and she probably feels pressure to do well.  You want her to feel successful and achieve success. Each time she sits and doesn't go she has 'failed'.  Take away the pressure and the stress of her using the toilet, while you are at it don't buy anymore pull ups.  Just let her know that she only has underwear from now on.

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