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My boyfriend's 12 year old daughter likes to crawl in bed with her dad

3 answers
I really would like some opinions on this. My boyfriend moved in with me and he has two children, a 12 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. My boyfriend is recently divorced and has the children half the time. When he first separated from his wife, he had his own place and the children would crawl in bed with him when their mom dropped them off in the mornings. She has to go to work very early so dropped them off around 5 am and then they would stay in bed with their dad till it was time to get up. This habit continued until they moved in with me. Once they lived with me the boy when he got dropped off would sit on the couch and watch tv. The girl still continued to come in the bedroom where her dad and i were sleeping and she crawls in bed next to her dad until its time to get up. I know she does this to cuddle and to feel comforted but i was not comfortable with it. I do not believe that at her age its developmentally healthy to continue this behavior. She also likes to have her dad carry her around the house from room to room instead of walking there herself. This is especially common at bedtime, the ritual is that she comes to the living room where her dad and I are, raises her arms, and says bedtime or ready for bed, and he carries her to bed. Her dad thinks it is fine and its a sign that they have a loving and caring relationship. I worry that its a sign that theres something wrong. No, I do not mean molestation, that would not be happening, but I do wonder if she might need therapy. Was it wrong of me to say I didnt want her in the bed anymore with us and that I dont think he should carry her around?

answers (3)

Therapy is a good idea. This girl is not a little girl, she is becoming a woman. Her behavior is a little inappropriate. It's probably due to the emotional stress from the divorce and other changes in her life. Therapy will help work out those issues.
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