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my daughter wants me to have a baby because she feels lonely, help?
I have my tubes tied but she is trying to have yard sales to help raise the $6,000 needed to have the reversal. My husband and I tried to explain that she would never be able to raise that kind of money and there is more to having a child than just getting my tubes untied. We also told her that by the time a baby got here that she would b a teenager and wouldn't want to deal with a baby. She is only 9 years old, she says she don't have anyone to play with when she is not outside. She has a brother but he is almost 14 years old and he doesn't do too much with her so she feels like she is by herself. I don't know what to do or how to help her because my husband is against having another child. He has 2 from previous relationships and I have 2 from previous relationships. He does not want to have one together, we were married only 1 month ago. He said he feels he is too old to have another child (43yrs old). How do I help my daughter without making him look insensitive?
I was one of six but an only child. My mom and dad had my 5 siblings from 1961-67 and I was born in 1984. That makes my oldest sibling 23 years old and the next one up 17 years older. I always would ask my mom if she was going to have more because I wanted someone to play with. I would just try to spend a lot of quality time with her. And try to be very open to her having friends come over. School is going to start soon so she will be around friends again. We lived in a very rural area so there was no neighbors but I did a lot of sports and after school activities to help keep me busy and with kids my own age.
Stop helping her have garage sales to raise the $6K. Every time you help her, you're indicating that you support her in raising the money. Get her involved in other activities with other kids. Sports, music, scouts, performing arts, dance, camp, horse-riding, dog training, arts & crafts, anything, everything. Better yet - do you know anyone in the neighborhood or in your circle of friends who have babies? Maybe get your daughter set up with a babysitting job. Yes, 9 is much too young to take care of a baby/toddler on her own, but she could be a great "mother's helper" - playing with the toddlers/babies while the mom does dishes, checks her email, or does some cleaning (anything where the mom is still in the house, so your daughter can have an adult around in an emergency). Your daughter's going through a phase. I wanted a little sister when I was eight or nine (and I already had a younger brother). I can't say it'll pass, but it'll lessen over time, as she makes friends and find other outlets for her energy and capacity for affection/relationships. You shouldn't apologize to her for not having another baby. It's not her choice; it's yours and your husband's. It's not something that up for debate or discussion. It just is. It's a hard lesson for a 9-year-old, yeah, but she's going to have to learn that some things aren't in her control. Good luck.
My mom has 3 kids so I have siblings but I am the second child so im too young to hang out with my older sister and to old to hang out with my younger sister. As a child my oldest sister never played with me and she wanted to act like my mom and be protective my little sister is the baby so she was to little. So I wanted my mom to find a kid my age.LOL! Just tell her how hard it is to have a baby and take care of a baby.
I was an only child, so I know exactly how she feels. When I was growing up I wanted a baby sister more than anything. At 9 years old she should be able to understand that you aren't going to have any more kids. Explain to her that you and your husband have 4 children already that you love. Tell her that you both feel your family is complete as it is. Also try to get her into more activities and let her have more sleepovers, more friends over for dinner, etc. so she won't feel so lonely.
ok you already have many responses but I just wanted to say, the first time your daughter brought it up you should have told her it was just not possible. End of story. She is 9, she doesnt know about tube tying reversals, or how much it would cost. OBviously that came from an adult in her life. She is a child and doesn't get a say, or choice in the matter. I really believe if you had just told her straight the first time that the idea would have been dropped already, but now that you have helped her fantasy along, helping with garage sales etc you will need to be firm and direct that it just is not going to happen. If both you and your husband have 2 kids each she is far from alone. If she doesnt connect well with any of them then she needs to find some friends she can lean on and be close to, get her involved in activited with girls her own age, sports, dance, gymnastics, music whatever she is interested in.She is 9 and no longer a baby, she can handle the truth, and she will be just fine