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My ex wants me to stop breast feeding my 3 month old for "his benefit"

6 answers
My ex-husband is a very selfish person. I admit I hurt him in our marriage but now there is a baby in the picture and in the 13 weeks my son Caleb has been alive he has seen him 4 times. He refuses to come see him because he doesn't want to see me. There is an open door policy but he doesn't use it to get to know his son. Today he had him for 3 hours which is very generous since Caleb has no clue who he is and when Caleb started freaking out at their house they tried to give him a bottle of my breast milk but my son was so upset he didn't want it. So I get a phone call asking if I only breast feed. I said no I give him the bottle once in awhile so he can get use to the nipple when I am not around or too tired. Then he says and I quote "It would be to my benefit if you stop breast feeding Caleb and just give him the bottle." Of course I said NO and he gets mad. Besides the OBVIOUS reasons why I shouldn't stop breastfeeding my 3 month old, what else can I tell him to get it through his thick skull that this is not about HIM but about my son. He doesn't realize babies are so fragile especially at a young age that they need anything that will build a relationship to the mother top thing would be breast feeding. Does anyone have more useful facts I can throw in his face?

answers (6)

health-kids who are breast fed tend to be healthier! it also helps to protect their immune system.if i could have brest fed i would could have your doctor talk to him about all the benifits of brest feeding
if he wants his child to be healthy and happier then he should let this be about his son instead of his self
I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but if he's already being selfish he'll probabaly continue being selfish. =(I think Betsy83 had a good point of having your doctor tell him or someone who is a professional in babies. Sometimes involving a "neutral" third party helps ease tension. And of course your doctor will side with you becuase breast-feeding as munerous benefits. And if they mother is able she should definitely do it. Here's a great website listing ALL the benefits of breastfeeding.  
First I would remind him he's a parent and as a parent we do things that benifit our children before we benifit ourselves. If that doesn't work give him the facts and he still won't except it, nothing you say or do will change his mind. Don't even have this fight, it's your choice. I had the same fight with my ex for the rare occasion he was around. I quickly said "no way" and was done with it. I contacted a lawyer, and there was nothing the ex could do. He can whine, but you have the choice to ignore it, I would keep your open door policy and continue to use the occasional bottle. Good luck.
my husband and i had the same dilema even though we lived under the same roof.  As much as I would want to say "suck it up, its not about you" we have to bite our tongues and remember that this is probably just as difficult and frustrating for him as it is for you.  Remind him that skin on skin contact encountered during breastfeeding increases infants immune system and growth and developement. Encourage your ex to take his shirt off while feeding Caleb the bottle. Nothing replaces breastfeeding, but the warm skin on skin will stimulate an emotional connection between Caleb and his father.  Another way to ease Caleb into a bottle, would be for you to feed him a bottle without your shirt on to mimic breastfeeding.  Try every other feeding using a bottle instead.  My husband and I used this method and it worked wonders.  Also, even though your ex doesnt want to be around you, explain to him that if he participated in a feeding every now and then Caleb would learn to associate him with food and comfort as well. For exaple, bottle feed Caleb in just a nursing bra, with his father holding his hand or something to the extent.  It wont take very long for him to become comfortable with it.  Its' never easy, but there are many ways to ease babies into being more comfortable being fed from someone other than their mother. I hope this helps a
whatever you do, don't give in & quit the breastfeeding until you and your baby are ready. you may have to get a bit ugly with your ex though, if he's really that stubborn. you could try "if you really love our son, you'll let me do what's best for him." pushy, but maybe neccessary. it traps him into giving up his argument.

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