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My foster daughter intentionally pees in her pants. What can I do??

2 answers
She and her brother were my foster kids last year. In November they went back to their mom and in January the little boy came back to me. We're adopting him and the little girl will stay with her mom. I still have very frequent contact with them. The little girl has, since I've known her, wet her pants. She would/will do it, say nothing, but walk around sitting on things and acting as though nothing happened. I know a lot, if not all, of it is caused by all the things that have gone on in her life, but something's got to give. Her mom is on state assistance and the apartment she lives in charges for laundry facilities. The girl is peeing her pants 3-5 times a day and mom cannot afford it. Her counselor and ped say she'll outgrow it but let's face it, she's in second grade and kids are cruel. These emotional issues that she will "outgrow" could potentially turn her into a social pariah and none of us want to see that happen to her. She's been through enough. I believe it's anxiety, but the doctors won't do anything for her. Does anyone have and ideas or know of any homeopathic things mom can try?

answers (2)

I have family members with foster children and from what I know of their experiences, all foster children are supposed to see some sort of therapist to help them deal with everything. Clearly, this is something this little girl needs. If she is on Medicaid, which I'm assuming she would be, she can get a referral to a therapist from her pediatrician and there will be no charge.I'm curious as to why you're able to adopt her brother but not her? Children generally stay together, whether they go back to their parents or become adoptable. It seems odd that they would be split up, especially since the mother is a fit parent at this point.
I'm assuming that the pediatrician has ruled out any actual medical causes for the peeing, and that the therapist has done what she can to determine what might be causing it psychologically (although I'll admit, it sure sounds like she could take her pick, poor kid).  I will say that if you don't like what the first pediatrician has said, it's well within her birthmother's right to request a second opinion, either from another ped in that office or a different office altogether, just to rule out any medical cause.  Are you absolutely sure the girl is doing this on purpose, and it's really not accidental? But what about the girl herself?  Is SHE embarrassed by the accidents?  What's her reaction to them?  If she's doing them on purpose, you're going to have to determine why she's doing it before you can figure out how to convince her to stop - whether it's reassurance that you and her birthmom still love her and want her, that she's not going to lose contact with her brother and/or you, or that she's still a valued member of the family whose opinions matter, and not something that's been shuttled from one household to the next.  (I'm not saying you haven't told her any of these things, but perhaps she hasn't been able to believe it yet.) Good luck.

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