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My husband sleeps with his 12 yr old daughter
My 12 year old daughter has always slept with her parents. Even when they divorced, she continued to sleep with her dad ( not sure about her mom). We got married about 5 months ago and my 12 yr old stepdaughter wanted her dad to sleep with her (in her twin size bed). My husband is completely under his daughter's control and does whatever she says. The problem stopped for a few months, but now it has resurfaced on a regular basis. We moved into a new house when we got married. We all got new rooms ( including my 11 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter). We let my step daughter pick everything out for her room. Every night, she eats and drinks as much sugar as she wants and goes to bed whenever she wants. She keeps the tv on full blast and all lights on....but complains she can't sleep. He refuses to show her tough love. I' ve even tried Explaining to him that girls her age are developing and it isnt good to sleep w/her. I suggested buying her a book, so she can read when she wakes up and can't go back to sleep. But, personally, I thi k she is just using it as an excuse to control. Any thoughts would be helpful.....
Sessions with a family therapist would be good. That way, a neutral, educated person can not only help everyone deal with this big transition, but he or she can explain why certain behaviors are ok and why others aren't.
I agree. We started off our blended family with a therapist. My husband told me and the therapist he was not going to stop going into his daughter'sneeded when she needs him. The therapist suggested that he sit onbathe edge of her bed for a few minutes. He told the therapist he would do this, but he doesn't. My husband doesnt understand the difference between a child "needing" their parent and a child trying to control their parent. Its a very sad situation. I have decided to stay out of it and hopefully he will see for himself.....seriously, if he wants to sleep in a twin bed with a 12 year old just b/c he can't show a little tough love, so be it. I just make sure I stay in our bed, so she won't think that's an open invitation To climb into ours....which he lets her do if I'm not there. I just want a little reassurance from people reading this, that I' m not being rediculous....and if I am being petty, please tell me.
It sounds like both your husband and stepdaughter need individual therapy as well so that they can work out their issues.
your definitely not being ridiculous. it's not appropriate at her age, for starters. she can't sleep because she's hyped up on sugar from what you have explained. i would take the tv out of her room, and seriously limit her sugar intake. she's well on her way to developing diabetes if she continues to eat like that. sugary junk should be a treat, not a staple in the house. as far as her turning on all the lights in her room, that's an easy one to fix. remove all the light bulbs and hide them. when she complains of not being able to see, tell her she earned it by acting out and not listening. she needs a wake-up call.