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Okay I will start from the beginning. I feel like a suck mommy. IHonestly have know idea what to do,I'm fucked up in the head. Sam and I are always arguing, It has been like this for a while we want to beat eachother in the face, I think the only reason he is being nicer is because his child is in my orgams. He is leaving, I do not no were.My daughter crys all the time because she can tell me and him aren't happy, and she realizes that her daddy is gonna leave,for a while or maybe he wont be back.I cry,it doesnt end. I am sooo worried that my baby will die, or my husband will die, or I wont be able to make it without sam.caiti wont eat she only does that for dada. She will not be able to live without him. I know that, sam knows. We fight constantly but we love eachother and I cant live without him.I feel like a loser, I am sitting here crying and asking people how to be a parent, but honestly theres nothing else for me to do,I have been to therapy there not gonna be able to help.we will die without him.....Im pregnant,not able to work if he gets killed,cant afford daycare.These are his comforting words "Don't worry I'll make sure you get death benafits" then It was not possiblee for me to blurt out"fuck you,im gonna be alone here with caitlyn and this baby in my stomach and your gonna go to a country to get killed thats how you make me feel okay" he said "nothing else to say" "it was nice being married to you" It just feels like hes giving up what me wanna do is hold on to him and tell me to not leave. Sorry if its not spelled good.
Therapy will help if you let it. There really isn't anything else you can do.I know how you feel. My husband has PTSD and might be bi-polar. He goes through crazy mood swings and when he's angry about nothing for a week or more there are times when I just want to leave. But, we always work through things. And thankfully, we don't argue, it's mainly that I can feel the anger radiating off of him, which puts me in a bad mood, too.(He's better now that he's had to take care of all three kids by himself since I started school. He was finally able to see just how hard it is and how impossible it is to keep the house cleann. He appreciates all the hard work I've done, especially while he was at school for 10-14 hours a day last term.)And, you should know that you are stronger than you think you are. If something happens to your husband you will be ok. You will be able to care of yourself and your kids. It's not easy, but plenty of other women have done it. You can do it, too.Your daughter is probably just going through a phase where she likes her daddy more. That's normal. And she'll get over it. If she won't eat the food you give her, don't worry about it. She won't let herself starve. Just keep offering healthy foods and she'll eat something.
continue with the therapy. don't expect a quick fix from it. a couple of sessions is not enough to solve your issues. are you having individual therapy sessions or marriage counseling? sounds to me like you could use a bit of both. don't think that if something happens to him that you can't make it. there are millions of single mom's out there that do just fine by themselves. you may not want to hear this, but you contiuously becoming pregnant, and then misscarrying is not healthy by any means. i can only hope and pray that your current pregnancy will be a relatively safe one, with few or no complications. if you two are fighting in front of your daughter, that is affecting her in more ways than you think. getting into a screaming match in her prescence is not ok. the two of you need to find some time away from her (when she is napping, for ex.) to calmly express your feelings and concerns to one another. she's too young to understand what is going on, but i'll bet she does understand some of what is being said. (more than you think) my best advice to you is to find a healthy outlet for yourself. a mommy group, or whatever you like. find someone to watch caitlyn for a while so that you are able to get the much needed time for yourself. large amounts of stress is unhealthy, and especially while being pregnant. that alone, could cause you to misscarry again, if your not careful. you are in my prayers, and i hope that you and sam can work things out, not only for the sake of your children, but because you love each other. if it doesn't work, then don't beat yourself up for it. you have to make a marriage work. it takes A LOT of hard work, understanding, patience, and communication. a divorce will not kill you, him, or caitlyn. it's always heartbreaking when a marriage ends, but sometimes it is for the best. only you and sam know if you truly want to make this work, or give up. none of us can tell you to stay or leave. that's your decision. do what you feel is best for you and your child. i should not have to tell you that kids who grow up in hostile enviroments have lasting relationship problems themselves, and will come out very damaged from it. they can heal, but it often takes years of therapy.
I love him, I really find is suprising how much. I never thought I could love somebody enough to kill for them before we met... We fight,but were young. We got married soon, had a baby,but through all the ups and downs we were still able to say and I love you and actually mean that. No matter what happens, I love him. We have been through hell and back, and we are not over yet,we are still fighting,for our life together.I remember when he was just deploying, I didn't know what was happening, they had to take me away because I couldn't let him go.I sound crazy, I understand.The only thing that keeps me going is looking at my daughter,sams letters he promises to sendd. And hearing my babies heart beat every time I have an ultrasound.
I understand how aggravating that is, My husband is like that too sometimes. Guys try to stay strong, but they worry. I think he doesn't really know what to tell you, or how to make you feel better. I am sure he will be okay. Everyone has problems,including him, He might be a soldier but he is a person too. Just give him some time, then work it out.My husband has been gone 1 week, it's not easy, but I can deal with it. Be strong for him yourself and your child.