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New boyfriend hates that I get along with my son's father...

6 answers
My baby is young, only 7 months. His father and were together for 2 years and had a mutal parting. We are still very good friends as odd as that sounds. We are young, but both understand that it wasn't working. I have since been seeing a man 16 years older then me. Very odd I know. Everything about our relationship is perfect, other then when it comes to my son seeing his father. He gets angry and irritated if we talk and plan our week (when he gets to come see the baby or pick him up ect.) We have decided not to go into a custdoy agree ment unless we absolutely have to. My new boyfriend just doesn't agree that we get along. If it comes down to my son having his father or me being with him, he knows what I will chose. What should I do?

answers (6)

Your son comes first absolutely. As far as the new boyfriend goes..he might be feeling jealous or challenged by your relationship with your ex. He might just need to back off a little and understand that your son is more important than him and came first. Your job is first to be a mother...than a lover- not the other way around- and that might not be sitting well with this new guy. Also understand your new boyfriend maybe just doesn't trust your ex not to steal you back. The arguing might be his way of expressing his concern. I think guys take it pretty personally when there is another man invading his territory..and you are his new territory.What to do? You need to figure out where your priorities lie. If you are wanting to keep this new guy around maybe you need to be understanding and be less friendly with your ex. Try and look at this from a man's point of view..ask your new boyfriend to really explain why he gets so upset and you listen.If the new guy is just a fling and you aren't keen on having him around permanently than that is something to think about too. All this to say, your son need a father. I think it is important that your ex remains on the scene for him...even if you need to step back a little from the friendship.
Agreed. It's very good and strengthening to your son to see and have his biological parents on talking terms like that. It will be a quality for him when he's older. It's important that your son takes to have time with his father and your boyfreind needs to understand that this is a part of who you are. You aren't a single girl that's making plans to go out with your old boyfriend. No, this is your son's father. Important.I had lost my husband when I was 12 weeks pregnant with our son, and my husband now loves my son as his own and there's no difference to him. We have told him there's another Daddy and such, he's 5. But we are all apart my my late husband's family. I think it's very important that my son has that connect to his biological family. As also it's important for your son.
Your son comes first.  Any boyfriend who doesn't understand that shouldn't be a boyfriend.(I have known parents who started dating people who didn't accept that the children came first, and those relationships ended as soon as that was apparent to the parent in each case.)All other things being equal, your son ought to be spending time with his biological father, and this is going to require you being in contact with him.  This is putting your son's needs first.  Anyone having a problem with that does not have your son's best interest at heart, and ought not to be in a position to distract you from your son's well-being, or stress you out over actions taken as a responsible parent.
While having a new boyfriend is exciting, as it usually is, you have another role that is much more important than any new person that comes into the scene.  Your son.  You obviously know that because you have made certain agreements with your ex to keep the relationship between the two of you civil and open so that your son can see that he has two loving parents that are going to take care of him, no matter what.  And that's so important, even if you aren't together. This new man of yours needs to be more understanding and supportive if he wants to be a part of your life.  He is the new person here, not the child, or the ex.  And he shouldn't have a problem with the fact that you get along with your ex.  If he does it's because of his own insecurities, and he needs to get over them. I can tell you from experience, it's better to have a good, civil relationship with your ex, than not.  Its so much more unnecessary stress and drama that your child doesn't need to see, or be around.  Good luck.
Put your foot down and inform him of this: "Chris and I have a cordial co-parenting relationship, and we always will because that's what's best for our son. Chris and I don't hate each other, but he and I are done now and I have no interest in getting back together with him. If you're going to be with me, then you need to accept that my son WILL have his father in his life, and that his father and I are cooperating to raise him as best we can. If you can't accept that, then maybe we're not right for each other."Say this, and mean it. It may result in the end of your relationship, but it's better than being controlled by someone who can't keep a lid on his jealousy. I mean, just about any guy is going to feel a bit territorial, but one who is worth it will keep it in check and at least TRY to get along with your son's dad.
I find this post extremely interesting as i am on the other end of it. I am with an amazing woman who has got to co parent with another guy and i am struggling to accept that. Now i do agree with what has been said on here, it is important for the child to see his father, it is the friendliness i cant get over. Now before jumping to a conclusion, since i have been together with my partner her ex has stalked me and attempted to follow me home, has sent her through countless abusive messages, had his friends keep watch of her house and report back to him what is happening, including being on the yard and peeking through windows, he has vandalised my car twice and also sent through death threats. He has abused her verbally infront of the child and attempted to kick her. It has now been about 6 months since this ordeal and he appears to have settled down alot, we still get the occasional abusive message if something isnt going his way though. My partner and i are in the verge of seperating because she still wants to maintain a friendly co parenting relationship with this guy. Am i wrong for hating him and not wanting her to be friendly to him?

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