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problem with the MIL?

3 answers
I can't trust my MIL with my son. She blessed me out for weening myself off ciggerettes when I was pregnent instead of quitting cold turkey (but I didn't want to stress my body and child with wd going from 1 1/2 packs a day to nothing! even my midwife agreed with my plan.) Yet she would be blowing ciggerette smoke in my face and telling me I should smoke pot because she did it with all 3 of her kids but she didn't smoke ciggs because she couldn't do that to them! She's told me (horror) stories about how she did cocaine with her middle son and how my husband swallowed a pill at 2 years old because she left it out on the coffee table!!!! This women expects me to let her babysitmy son because he is her grandchild! she can't even rememberto take her shoes off in my house or to smoke outside and away from the baby! How can she expect me to trust her with the health and well being of my child when she can't even do that! and when she has admitted to a bunch of stuff that makes me not want to even let her hold him! I feel like I'm running out of excuses to not let her have him for a couple hours...

answers (3)

First, and most important, where is your husband on this?  You need him on your side if you're going to have any chance of all at keeping your MIL from watching your kids - because yeah, I completely agree, she's NOT a good babysitting option!  Your husband needs to be on your side, and not afraid to stick up for you.  That'll make the rest much easier. I think you're right to keep her from watching your kids unsupervised.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure there's an easy way to tell her the truth without causing major family stress.  "I don't trust you with my kids" isn't exactly going to smooth anyone's feathers.  Of course, if you don't care about her feelings, then by all means, the next time she asks why you won't let her watch the kids, tell her exactly why.  She smokes, she's admitted to letting her kids do illegal drugs and take prescription medications they weren't allowed to have, and she's verbally abusive to you.  Those are all excellent reasons not only to keep her from babysitting, but to keep her under your eye when she's with your kids.  
next time she mentions things you don't approve of, casually slip and say this is exactly why I haven't been letting you watch my kids. tell her you don't have a problem with her coming over to see the kids, just that they will never be alone with her. She'll have a fit but it might (but probably won't) open her eyes.
My husband hasn't really taken a side but he hasn't offered to let her watch thankfully. She will call him and ask and anymore he won't even tell me. He knows that I am not comfortable with it and we have agreed that when i need a sitter either my family, his sister or his father and step mother are the first options.

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