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sorry for asking so many questions but im really worried and need help
Today I went into the bedroom that was gonna be the new babys I had already decorated it and everything and I was gonna take down the decorations and give them to my friend because shes pregnant with a boy. I found my husband in there crying in the floor holding the babys outfit we were gonna put on him for pictures when he was born. The miscarriage has been hard for all of us and I have been more upset then I think I have ever been but I think it's to hard on him. He's really depressed and im worried I don't know how to help him.
First off, I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you both must be going through. I'm sure the loss has been hard on your husband, especially since your baby was a boy. Having never been in that situation myself all I can suggest is that you talk to him about what you've both been going through. This is something that you're both going through together, neither of you should feel like you're alone. You might also think about seeing a therapist both together and separately to deal with your grief and to help you get through this.
I really want him to talk to me so I can help him but he just says nothings wrong.
Well obviously that's not the case. Did you try to talk to him today when you found him in the baby's room? It can be difficult for men to talk about their feelings. Maybe you should try to find him a support group or someone else that he can talk to. I know it's hard for both of you but he may just need some time to work out his own feelings before he can open up to you.
Well he doesn't like to show emotion, hes in the army so he wants to be strong and manly he would probably not go to anything hepful. And when I went into the room I started crying and he just hugged me then said he was gonna take caitlyn to her grandmas because she had called earlier wanting to see her. When he got back he ask if I took the babys decorations out and I said yes then he started watching tv. Hes been weird after that. I just need him to talk to someone or do something.
Thats horrible! Couldnt imagine what you guys are going thru. My husband is also in the army. So I know how stuburn those guys are, mines the same way! Maybe you guys can try again? you were what 22 weeks? And already knowing what the sex was im so sorry! Your def stronger than me I wouldnt have been able to take the stuff down. Sit him down and try to talk to him. After your little girl is asleep and turn off the tvs lol make him talk to you thats what i have to do. I hope everything works out!
Yeah it's hard because we already had a name for him and his room decorated and new the sex and we were so happy to have a boy. And yes you are so right about them being stubborn lol. I have a very hard time talking to him I feel like im talking to a wall sometimes. I'll be sitting there like ''talk to me hunny'' and he just zones out and sits there like im not talking its funny and annoying at the same time lol.
I had a feeling he was in the military. My husband was in the Marine Corps and he's the same way sometimes. But, ironically, having PTSD and seeing a therapist for it has helped him to be more open with me. It's not really helping the PTSD though...Anyway, I know it's a lot harder for guys who are still in to get help for emotional problems because they have to be so tough and macho all the time. Maybe you could find an online group for him where he wouldn't have to see anyone face to face, he wouldn't have to use his real name, but he could still "talk" about it with other men who have gone through the same thing. The anonymity might make the idea a little more appealing to him. And, I wouldn't give away all the baby stuff just yet. You may not want to use it in the future if you have another boy but your husband may not be ready to get rid of it all just yet.
I just put the baby stuff in a box and put it in the closet I was gonna give it to my friend but then I thought the next time I get pregnant I might have a boy then. And yes hes still in the army I think that hes trying to be tough and not let people know how hes feeling. Hes always been like that he just can't talk about things like that I have mentioned support groups and he says ''im fine oceana don't worry about me'' then walks off and I just want to get it through his head that he doesn't have to be macho all the time. It's just aggravating how he won't let me help I want to be there for him but he won't open up to me.
I know how you feel and I know it's frustrating. A lot of men have that kind of attitude regarding their feelings anyway but when they're in an environment that forces them to be that way (like the military) it makes it so much worse. (And just so you know, if you do have a boy your husband will probably teach him to be the same way so you'll have your work cut out for you trying to reverse that training.)Unfortunately, it sounds like this is something he's just going to have to deal with himself if he isn't going to open up to you. I know it makes it that much more frustrating and sad for both of you, but there's only so much you can do if he isn't willing. Just do what you can to make things easier on him and know that when he finally does need to talk to you or someone else about it he will.