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Step Daughter problems.. Dont know what i am suppose to do..?

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My husband and I have been together 5 yrs now, When we fist got together his youngest daughter and i got along real well. I babysat her we had tons of fun. This wemt on for about maybe a month. Her mother found out we were getting along and went apeshit crazy and hated the idea so she said tons of means things about me saying i dont want her dad and her to talk and i keep him away from her. to get B to not like me anymore. She was a jealous ex wife and really hated me. We had to move out of state where we had a child of our own who is now 3. They didnt speak for a long time. I do not have control over who my hubby talks to or what he does. Ya know what i mean. So this time apart gave the ex everything she needed to put things in B's head to hate me. And oh SHE DOES! she is 13 now. SHe says i dont want her dad to talk to her, that i dont think she is pretty. That her 19yr old sister is way pretty than her, I guess everyone on his side of the fam doesnt like me. My husband is 16 yrs older than me. I know my age has a big problem with the ex wife and some of his fam. but we are truly wonderful to gether. andi dont think it should matter. the ex wife, always talks shit about him dating younger girls. I get it is a jealous thing, she cheated on him is why they are not together anymore. Well her mom put all kinds of things in her head, My hubbys oldest daughter heard some of these things and didnt liek me as well. They have different mothers. Well his older daughter H came out in july and B told her to be mean to me and my daughter. Well H and I got along real well we talked and she actually came out to live with us for while, we were real close. she learned that wasnt true. Anyways B still has a huge problem with me. hates me. her mom hates me, She always says horrible things about me ( this women is seriously screwed up. it would take me too long to eplain the kind of mom and women she is) Lets just say she has a Bad record and alot ofpeople think she is a POS. its not my opinon to judge, i dont know her well enough. Like she doesnt know me well wnough to talk so much shit) Over all it is just a bunch of drama. Well They started talking. But its like when my hubby is with us he never talks about her and when he talks to her he has to be in another area cause he doesnt want her to hear us? Likeits completely two seperate lives that he isnt helping to combine together. I get she doesnt like me and it will take time for her to grow up and have her own opinions btu shouldnt dad try to help defend me?? I coul never trust this little girl around our daughter after hearing things she says to H(the oldest) it really just has me at a point where i am not sure if i even like B anymore. or want anything to do with her. How am i suppose to deal with this, and be ok with a step kid that hates me and if she had the chance will most likely try to break up my marriage. My hubbya nd i have talked about this, and it always goes in the direction i dont want it to and we argue. I dont want to fight about it I just need advice. Please help. It really stresses me out~

answers (1)

First, let him know that it is ok for him to talk to his kids and ex wife in front of you. He doesn't need to keep it a secret. You entered his life knowing what he had going on and if you had any problems with him having other children or exes, you wouldn't be with him today.second, if you live out of state it sounds like it really isn't an issue as far as visitation goes. If this younger girl doesn't like you, so what? There isn't really anything you can do to change her mind. I have cousins that hate me because I got in an argument with their mom. They live in a different country, I never see them. They don't like me because their mom doesn't like me. Is it sad? Sure. But I can't control their feelings. There may come a day when your stepdaughter changes her opinion of you. Until then, don't stress about it.

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