You are here

Get Answers

Sometimes it's nice to get advice from experts with a lot of letter degrees behind their names, but other times, you just need to hear what another parent (with a M.O.M. behind her name) has done that has worked. You've got questions? These moms have answers.

Step son and pregnancy

5 answers
My step son is almost 8 years old. In December, we found out we were pregnant and when we were sure, we broke the news to him. He didn't seem interested at all. Over a month after he found out, his mother found out she was pregnant too. So he went from being the only child of 8 years to having 2 little brothers or sisters. The relationship between my boyfriend and the mother is not good. My boyfriend and I put Dexter first in this case, when he comes here telling stories about things he did with his mom, we respond positively, "The zoo with your mom? That sounds like so much fun!" "Your mom's having a baby too? Well congratulations for her! Does she want a boy or girl?" etc, etc. We both believe it's in his best interest to never say anything negative about her in front of him. I am due at the beginning of August and she is due at the end of September. But it seems to be the opposite in her home. When my boyfriend broke his arm, Dexter(my step son) apparently told his mother and her husband about it, in which they responded with laughter and praise that he had hurt himself. Dexter came here and told us how they reacted, and began to cry. He has also came over here saying his mother said that our baby is going to be retarded. We reassured him that that should not be the case. I'm scared that she is saying all these negative things about our baby, basically brainwashing him into being excited about her baby, and having negative feelings about ours. I want my step son to be involved in my baby's life, fully. I want them to share a special relationship like I have with my sisters. I love them both equally, very very much. How do I counter these negative things his mother puts in his head and get him to feel good about both of his siblings?

answers (5)

Just continue to be positive and to answer his questions honestly, kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for he knows that his Mom and Step Father are doing things that if he did then he would get into trouble he knows thats wrong.  If you continue with positive rolemodeling he may decide when he gets older that he would rather live with you and have limited visits in that negative environment
But time is... so long to wait.I know he'll realize one day. It just breaks my heart he has to go through psychological turmoil to get to that point. He's such a great little boy.
You actually could go to court about this for her trying to manipulate Dexter into thinking your side of the family is horrible. However, if you want to avoid the drama (and trama) than I'd suggest him getting to have some responsabilities with the baby and get to play with the baby. That way, he's bonding with his brother/sister.P.S: That "mother" shouldn't have another kid. We don't need anymore bad parenting in this world.
That's the best I can come up with too, he helps decorate onesies and comes to ultrasounds when he's allowed. Thank you for sharing your view, and believe me we are gathering all the evidence we need. Dexter luckily does not get involved with the trial, at least she has the decency to shelter him from that. We record every phone conversation and they are all her screaming and cussing (sometimes in front of him) It's nice to know someone sees things as I do
you could also get him a gift from the baby once the baby gets here as a special "i'm proud to be your sibbling!"

*DISCLAIMER's Answers are provided by members of our community. While your fellow moms and our editors have plenty of great advice to offer based on their experience, it is not a substitute for professional medical help. Always consult a medical professional when seeking medical advice. All submitted answers are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use