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Sometimes it's nice to get advice from experts with a lot of letter degrees behind their names, but other times, you just need to hear what another parent (with a M.O.M. behind her name) has done that has worked. You've got questions? These moms have answers.

To Teengirlinlove

10 answers
Hey, I noticed you on here a lot and I just had some questions for you. How do you plan to take care of this baby? Do you and the father have an idea on how to parent? I honestly don't believe a 14 year old and a 15 year old can take care of a child, I am not trying to offend you but I feel it would be best for you to use adoption. I can't even imagine you being able to care for a young one, your way to young yourself.

answers (10)

It's none of your business, I can assure you that my child will be taken care of, and I don't need your opinion on what I should do. I never asked you to tell me what to do, so I suggest that unless your giving good advice that you should keep your opinions to yourself. Yes I understand it's gonna be really hard, but I think we can do it, this baby is a blessing no matter how old I am,this is just gods path for me. I get an allowance every month, and put with Alex's money everything is gonna work... Thanks for your concern! :)
I feel that if you are committed to raising this child, you wil be able to do it. Just know that you will probably have to have help from your family, but that's ok. More family involvement is usually good for babies and kids anyway. If you don't feel that adoption is for you, that's just fine. It's certainly not something I could do, and I'd never advise someone do it simply based on age and financial status. No matter what decision you make, it's something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. I suggest you check out The Honest Company for diapers, wipes, etc. Their products are organic, and very gentle for babies. Most other products are full of chemical that can be irritating to babies' skin, can cause allergic reactions/eczema, etc. They are a mail order company, and are very affordable. We get the diaper bundle ($79.95 for one month's supply of diapers and wipes-they actually last us two months), and the family essentials bundle ($35.95 for 5 bath/cleaning products). I absolutel love all of their products and recommend them to everyone. 
I had my children young, I had twins at the age of 16 and my daughter a little more then a year later. Nothing about this was easy and you have a very long and hard road ahead of you. People are going to judge you whether you like it or not, it simply comes with the territory. People like you and I decided to play like we were big girls and had to grow up very fast and face some big girl consequences. You have many options still as you are only so far along but in the end it is all your choice.Children are not cheap, and a minimum wage is not going to be nearly enough to cover the costs, nor is welfare. My boyfriend worked as a trench labourer since he was 15 years old and has had to work very hard to keep food on the table for us. I have had to stay home because I couldnt find a job that paid enough to cancel out day care costs. (beyond expensive depending on where you live) Had I not had a good support system I simply would not have made it. My parents and his parents were both there for me but they couldnt always be there. My boyfriend and I have been together for most of the these years but its hard being with someone since you were 14. I know you man is being a stand up guy but he is only young himself and may decide he doesnt want to be a dad. I dont think Mia was trying to be mean, she was just being real. Your still a baby yourself and you should have time to grow up. Now you are going to have to grow up right away. Your friends will be out having a good time and you will be home with a baby and sadly they will have less and less time for you. I have only really started hanging out with my best friends from high school because they are now having children of their own.Also you may have to deal with CPS, im not sure how they do thing where you are from but around here teenage pregnancy is a reason for them to look into your home and family and make sure you can provide for this child. PITA but it may have to be done. All that being said I wish you the best and I hope you guys make it. 
I understand it's gonna be extreamly hard, and I have thought about all my options, and I was considering adoption. I also thought about an abortion, but after some of the shock and fear went away I realized I couldn't do it. I don't believe in abortion, I did the crime and my baby shouldn't have to pay for it. I also don't think that after 9 months of hearing it's heartbeat, feeling it kick, and falling in love with it that I could give it to someone else. I know I am gonna need help, and I am okay with that. I will probably be able to get food stamps or wic or something to buy food, and living with my mom I am not gonna pay rent and that will give me money to buy diapers and stuff like that. And I know I am not gonna be able to go out and party but honestly I have never been into that. Alex is kinda into all that,but he will have to grow up! I know right now I am probably thinking it will be easier than it will, and it's not gonna really sink in untill I am a mommy. We really do have supportive friends and family, I actually have a lot of friends that have kids so we can hang out without them complaining that I have a crying baby because they got one too. I understand this is NOT by any means gonna be easy, but I am up for the challenge.Hopefully! :)
I will agree that having and raising a child is definitely the hardest thing you will ever do. It also makes everything, from school to socializing, incredibly difficult. And this is coming from someone who was 25 and married before she had kids. (But for us, the biggest difficulty is not having family support. We don't have any family that lives in the same state as we do.)Like I said, I won't tell you what decision is right for you. Only you know your life and what you are capable of. But definitely trust me when I say that having a baby is so much more work than you can imagine. It is so much more than changing diapers and midnight feedings. It is constant work. There is never time to rest. In your case, you will be using whatever help you get so that you can have time to do homework. With even just one child there is a neverending stream of work. Washing laundry, chaning diapers, changing clothes (both yours and your baby's), feedings (which are easier if you breastfeed), baths, rocking your baby to sleep, holding your baby, waking up every few hours to feed your baby and then having to put it back to sleep, going to school, doing homework...And that's in the early weeks when things are easy. It only gets harder as your baby gets older. As the months go by you have to do so much more than just hold your baby. You have to play with it, comfort it, feed it, make baby food (because it's sooooo much cheaper than buying it), constantly make sure your baby isn't getting into something it shouldn't, constantly clean because your baby will put everything in it's mouth. You will have very little time to sleep, eat, or go to the bathroom. When you are a mother, you are working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm not even exaggerating. It is absolutely constant. You will cry more than you ever thought you possiby cry, even if you don't have postpartum depression. You will be stressed out beyond belief with trying to go to school and raise a child. You will have absolutely no time for friends, and probably very little, if any, for your boyfriend. Instead of napping with your baby like you should (because you really need the sleep), you will use that time to do schoolwork. You will love your baby, but you will not have fun.You may not care about what I have to say. You may think I'm exggerating or that I'm trying to scare you into making a different situation. You may think I'm only telling you the bad parts. I'm not. I'm telling you what it is like, as a mother who is in school. It's hard. It's beyond hard. You're probably wondering whether or not I think it's worth it. It is. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. I'm in school because I choose to be, because I need school in order to achieve my career goals. But, looking back on things, I probably would have put more effort into my first years of college back when I was straight out of high school so that I could avoid the insane amounts of stress I deal with right now. Unfortunately, you don't have another option. You have to finish high school, and you need to go to college is you want a decent job that can (hopefully) allow you to afford this child. So you will deifnitely have a very difficult road ahead of you. One whose difficulty you cannot begin to comprehend.Would it be easier for you to give your child to a loving, adoptive family? Absolutely. Chances are, that's the best route for you and for your child since an adoptive family will not face the challenges you will face. An adoptive family already has the means to provide a good life for your child. But, I know what it's like to be pregnant. I know what it's like to have a child. I know the bond that is created. And I know it feels impossible that giving your child to another mother would be a better option. But, it might be a better option.You have to sit down and really look at how much it costs to raise a child. I said in another post that it's $79.95 a month for diapers and wipes, and $35.95 for cleaning and bath products. You may not have to pay rent, and you may not have to pay for food. If you do have to pay for food, you're looking at $200-400 a month, depending on what you buy. If you make all your food from scratch, it's closer to $200. If you buy fast food and pre-packaged food, it's definitely closer $400 for you and your baby. With my insurance, I have a 25% shared cost, which means for each doctor visit for one of my kids I pay $15-50, depending on the appointment. I have no co-pay, which would make it more expensive. I paid $500 to my ob, and about $1500 to the hospital to have Vivienne. As far as clothes go, you can expect to need new clothes every 3 months or so, more often if your baby grows quickly, which can run anywhere from $50-200. At the bare minimum, you're going to need at least $300 a month for you and your baby, and that's literally the bare minimum. That doesn't include money for toys and other fun things. That's just food, clothing, and essentials. You are 14, right? Can you make $300 a month? Can your mom afford that much in extra expenses? At this point, you need to plan for the worst case scenario, which is you and your mom raising this baby. That also means you need to factor in day care costs, which on average, are $300-600 a month, or more in some places. I can tell you from experience, that WIC doesn't give you much, and neither does food stamps. I know I've been supporting your decision, but you really, really need to sit down with your mom and figure out if you can afford this baby. 
I know. I am planning on talking to my mom about all this, but I really don't think it will come down to that. Me and Alex talked about this way before we started having sex,I always knew there was a possiblity so I wanted to talk about what would happen if I got pregnant.I know he cares about me, and the fact that he has been so supportive I can't imagine his leaving. Maybe I just don't wanna believe that it can happen, I have known him since we were 6, we have been best friends since we were about 10, and we have been dating 3 years. I think a part of me doesn't want to think about loosing that. I am scared, really scared! Not only about losing my life but about runing my babys life, I don't wanna be a bad mom, I don't want my baby to ever do without. I don't know how to do this, I don't know what I am doing..I'm being postive and just living and going on but I think it hasn't really sunk in yet how hard it's gonna be.
As the child of a single teen mother, I can tell you quite honestly, there will be a lot your child goes without. I know that every situation is different, every family is different, but I can guarantee you that there will be times when you child will have to go without something important whether it's material, emotional, financial, etc. It will happen. And there will be even more that you have to sacrifice.Being a parent as an adult who is ready for it is the hardest job in the world. My husband is always questioning whether or not he's a good enough father to our kids. (For the most part, I think I'm a pretty great mom, I don't have a lot of self-doubt in that area.) And we are in a really great position. We are financially stable, we live within our means, our kids don't want for anything, we have a nice house, a new SUV. We're pretty much living the dream. But it's still so much work all the time. Granted, we have three kids form 4 years old to 10 months old and I'm in school full time (with ultra hard classes-chemistry and lab, Spanish, history), so it is a lot harder.But, we're adults. We're used to hard work, and we chose all of this. You're still a kid. And while you may be able to do this and you may be able to make a great life for yourself and your baby, it's going to be so much harder. You won't have the luxury of enjoying life the way that most people do. You won't get to have the same fun experiences. You'll have a child in high school before you're even 30. I know you're scared and confused right now. This isn't something a girl your age should have to be dealing with. I can't, and won't tell you what to do, because whatever you decide to do is a decision that you and your mom need to make with your boyfriend's family. If everyone can come together to help with the finances and with child care, you might be able to make it work. But, if you don't have a solid plan, if your families can't make ends meet, you do need to seriously look at your options. One thing to think about is an open adoption, where you would get to spend time with your child and still be a part of his or her family. You wouldn't be missing out on your child's life, you wouldn't have to spend your life wondering where he or she was, and what he or she was doing. You'd be there, you'd know. But your child would definitely have a loving, stable home with adoptive parents who wouldn't be facing the same struggles you will face.
I have thought about adoption, and for some people it's great. I just wanna make sure that theres no way I could take care of this baby before I really look into it. I think that a baby should always be with it's mother, and sometimes it's not an option, but if it is an option for me than that's what I want. If I can't do it, I can't do it, But I can try my best.
Throw the babies in the neighborhood dumpster!
Throw the babies in the neighborhood dumpster!

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