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Why does my mother make her own decisions about my pregnancy?

5 answers
It seams whenever me and my husband make a decision on how our parenting will be, or the baby's name she seems to have her own opinion about something. Ex). We told her our daughters name was going to be Dakota Winter Meadows, but thats not just the case for her, she insists that robin for the first name will be better. Robin will be what she will nickname her only, and refuses to accept dakota for my babys name. the colour of dakota's room, and outfits, and what characters we have put up on the wall, all decisions she mocks. What should i do she's driving me nuts and i still have 15 weeks left in my pregnency i fear its only going to get worse.

answers (5)

Haaha, this makes me laugh because my mother in law is like this to. I feel your pain.Don't worry, eventually she will realize that the baby is yours and not hers. Maybe just try to distance yourself from her for the remaining 15 weeks, or avoid conversations about the baby. If you don't tell her what you are planning then she can't disagree with it.You could also just flat out tell her that Dakota is not her daughter and she has absolutely no say in any decisions pertaining to her. Tell her that if she doesn't keep her opinions to herself you will stop asking her for them.And if this doesn't work, remember that Dakota is YOUR daughter. And when it comes to decisions about your daughter, YOU have the final say, not your mother.And, congratulations!
I agree with MontanaGirl.  This baby is going to be Your baby and not your mother's.  So she has no say in any decision you make when it comes to what happens in that little girl's life. And while it may be difficult to tell your mother how you feel, you need to let her know that while you may value her opinion (or not), she needs to realize that you and your husband will be the ones making the decisions. She may be hurt or offended by the idea that you aren't 'listening' to her, but she will get over it once the baby is born and she gets to dote on her.  If not, then it's her problem.  Good luck
she just can't let go and let you have control. mothers sometimes do this. once you have your baby, she'll see you take charge of your baby's life and realize that you've got this.
This is exactly how it was when I was pregnant, and also after my daughter was born, my mother in law tried to tell me how to do EVERYTHING!!!! (Eat this, don't eat that, don't breast feed baby after you've had a shower or if you're sick, this name is better than that, etc..)You have to let them know that it's nice that they care, and you really appreciate them trying to be helpful with advice (...because it'll soften them up for the next bit....) BUT, Since YOU are the one who is having the baby, you would prefer to decide what is best for you, husband & baby. It won't be easy at first, and she will continue to tell you about what is better and how to do whatever, but if you just calmly remind her that it's your choice and you don't plan on taking their advice on the topic, they'll get over it. Let her know that you and your husband created this baby and you're the only ones making decisions for it.Something else that helps is keeping your plans between you and your husband, and maybe a few close friends. If you say an idea then your mother has a chance to counter it. If she has NO IDEA what you're planning, she has no where to start with her protests!!! It's not as bad as it sounds, either. You don't have to keep everything a secret, just things that are very important to you, and only from mommy dearest!! If you feel you're about to say something that she will probably start preaching about, just take a breath, smile to yourself, and imagine how happy you will be when everything is set in stone!!
Why?  Because she sees you as an extension of herself and not as your own, individual person.I wouldn't rely on her to wake up on her own.  You'll probably have to tell her outright that you would like her to respect the decisions you and your husband are making for your new family.  It may not be pretty, but this is part of growing up, a part of how the parent-child relationship changes when the "child" becomes an adult.It'll only get worse, if you let it.  You and your husband are making your decisions for YOUR new, growing family.  She needs to realize you have grown and left the nest, that you are leaving her family and staring your own.  Her opinions have no more decision-making power in your household than mine do.  Though it would be nice to have her approval, the only person who will ever like 100% of what you choose in your life is _you_.  That's just a factor of us all being unique beings.I was where you are 4 years ago.  These two books helped me a lot: "Children of the Self-Absorbed" and "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life"

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