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will I ever be ready to be a mom?

3 answers
I am 30 years old, I am dating an amazing guy who - in the future - would like to have children with me. But I feel insecure and scared, from getting pregnant to being a mom. I have had menstruation problems since I first got it, I take birth control pills to regulate it and to help with the pain I used to get every single month. Once, I skipped a month and it was a mess - I even fainted. Therefore, I am terrified of stop taking the pills to start working on getting pregnant. Also, I have worked as a nanny since I moved to the US (6 years ago) and with that experience, I believe it is A LOT of work, A LOT of responsibility and I don't feel I am ready emotionally or physically for all this. Will I ever want to have babies and be a mom? Right now, I feel I don't want any at all. I compromised with my boyfriend and told him that maybe in 5 years I might be ready (he did not like this since he is 35 and he thinks that 40 is too old to be a dad, although he already has a son from his previous marriage). I am hoping I will change my mind, I want to make my boyfriend (and hopefully, future husband) happy. But then, I also have to think about my own happiness, right? I don't know, I feel very insecure about all this. Any advise? Thanks a lot!

answers (3)

I am 22 and have a 3 week old baby and I was not planning on having a baby, it just happened. I was terrified at the thought of being a mom because I felt I wasn't ready. Believe me when I say it comes naturally. Before having a baby I couldn't even stand the thought of changing a baby's pooped diaper, and when I finally had to do it, it wasn't a big deal. You will be fine, having a baby is a blessing, and if you can have one, go for it.
Better to stay childless and occasionally wonder "what if" than to have a child and regret it.That aside, one thing you should do if you're considering the possibility of having kids is talking to an OBGYN and/or fertility doctor about your health issues and concerns. You may have an undiagnosed health problem that causes your heavy menustration , and addressing that problem may help you feel a bit more confident about your body's ability to regulate itself, and then later get pregnant. Or the doctor might also examine you and discover a health issue that would make it difficult or even very dangerous to get pregnant, in which case you and your possible future husband might consider raising a different type of family (fostering, adopting, etc). But to make the best decision, you need as much information as possible.
Maybe spend one on one time alone with his son and see how you feel about kids then or hang with someone with small children for a while to see how they manage. Maybe even ask to babysit a young one for a bit to reassure yourself that you can do it. But try this with your friend's kids not a stranger's kids because they tend to act worse behaved (the stranger's kids act worse).

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