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Will my 21 mo old favor my husband forever?

2 answers
Over the past two weeks my 21 month old son, who up until now favored both myself and my husband equally, prefers my husband over me and I'm taking this really personally. I attribute it mostly to the fact that my husband has primarily been the one to deal with our son in the middle of the night as a result of our son's sleep issues. My husband can function with little to no sleep while I, on the other hand, cannot. There have been many nights when my son would be calling out for me but my husband would go so I could sleep. I did feel guilty but the rest I got resulted in better job performance, a better relationship with my husband and I was able to start working out again. Nonetheless, I can't help but feel that my relationship with my son has suffered because I was too lazy to get up and hold him. I feel that they have a stronger bond because of this and now my son turns to him for time, bath time, dinner time and probably most hurtful, when he needs to be nurtured. Of course, when daddy isn't around I'm his #1 but even when he's not there all I hear is, "Daddy? Daaaady! Daddy, daddy, da-da". He even made up a little song using the name, "daddy". I swear if I hear, "daddy" one more time, I am going to scream. Does he think I care less for him than my husband does? Does he love me less? Will he favor my husband forever? I'm really hurt by this and my husband is shocked that I'm hurt. I am resentful and I feel like I'm over compensating which is now making my interactions with my son awkward and contrived. I don't want to be his favorite. I just want it to be the way it was...when he wanted the both of us, equally. How do I get this back?

answers (2)

First of all, do not feel that you were being lazy by getting the sleep you needed. There are times when taking care of yourself first is necessary. Second, don't worry. Kids go through phases of preferring one parent over the other. My older two (almost 4 and 2 1/2) have gone through plenty of them. One week they only want me, the next they only want my husband. I have never taken it personally. As a stay at home mom, I welcomed the little breaks! I always kept my behavior the same. I didn't force anything, I never tried to get them to like me more. As kids grow and develop they experiment with new things. New foods, new favorite toys, etc. Don't take it personally. It isn't personal. Your son doesn't love you any less. There isn't anything you need to do in order to prove your love. Just do things as you normally would.  
I know how you feel, I'm a working mom, and I hated it when my daughter would want my husband more, but kids are fickle, this won't last forever. For 3 month's my girl preferred Daddy, but now she's all about Mommy again. It will change, enjoy the break for now. It won't last, trust me.

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