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wondering if this behavior is normal for a 3 year old.

5 answers
he hits, kicks, and scratches her. he tells her he doesn't love her, he hates her, he wants to kill her

answers (5)

Who is her?  Kids that age are starting to be able to express how they feel, but that is extreme depending on how often this happens I would bring it up to the dr or a bahavior specialist. 
if he is telling someone that he wants to kill them, you need to take him to the doctor. get a refferal for a child psychologist. that is not normal behavior. the hitting, kicking, and scratching is, but it should not be acceptable behavior. what do you do when these things occur?
Where did he learn about killing people? Surely he picked it up from somewhere. And does he have time outs when he acts up? I wouldn't ignore the behavior.
The hitting and other things are fairly normal, but he should be just about growing out of it. Talking about wanting to kill someone is probably something he overheard from TV or something and he has no idea what he is really saying. Explain to him that it is unacceptable to say that about any one. If the problem continues I would contact a phycologist or counsler.
As a parent, you must clearly tell the child that hitting, kicking, scratching, etc. are NOT acceptable.  Be strong and consistent.  Try "time out" or a loss of a priviledge, but do not give excessive attention to the child in reaction to that behavior.  If you do, you are letting the child know that he/she can easily get that negative attention from you.  Make sure you also model acceptable behavior and praise the child when he/she exhibits that acceptable behavior.  Children will attempt to get parents' attention and will repeat what works.  If you give undue attention to unacceptable behavior, that's what you will see.  If you give praise and show your "happy face" when the child exhibits acceptable behavior, that is what you will see.  When a child hit or kicks you, a simple and stern "No! That is not nice!" statement (with your "not happy" face) will work, then you can take the child's hand, gently stroke your face with his/her hand, and say, "That's nice!  Gentle and soft!"  And use your "happy face" to show your acceptance.  If the child continues to be violent, put him/her in time out, playpen, or some other secure place that is away from you and your attention.  (*Make sure the child is safe; do not leave the child unattended/unsupervised!) I am concerned about the "I want to kill you!" statement.  You might need professional help on that one.  You must first determine where he/she got that idea.  Discuss that idea with the child and make sure that he/she understands exactly what that means and why it's not acceptable.

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