You are here

Get Answers

Sometimes it's nice to get advice from experts with a lot of letter degrees behind their names, but other times, you just need to hear what another parent (with a M.O.M. behind her name) has done that has worked. You've got questions? These moms have answers.
 

The way i feel.......is this normal???

18 answers
This is my second pregnancy but its also been ten years since my first, this pregnancy has been pretty hard (on me) due to feeling so sick all the time it started off with nausea then i really got sick with some virus and it lasted 3 months cause my doctor says all he can give me is Tylenol with Codeine (which i took but only because i was so severely congested. And I'm getting better but i still am a little congested now. But i also am going to be a single mom again with this one, i just dont feel as connected to this baby as i did with my first child, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I feel him moving and its not like "awe its my baby" its more like, "will you please stop", i dont feel GOOD, when it moves! And i dont like that i LOVED BEING PREGNANT with my first Why is it different this time? Anyone please have any advice!!!

answers (18)

If you're sick all the time because you're pregnant and it hurts when the baby moves around, it's easy to blame the baby for making you feel crummy. Although it's not the baby's fault and you know that in your brain, your feelings can't always be controlled by logic. And if you're going to be a single parent, you may be scared of the pregnancy, or not want the responsibility. That too is normal.If you want this baby, you need to find the positives and focus on them instead of the negatives. Decide you will delight in your baby's movements, then stick to it. Find a support system so that single parneting isn't such a scary prospect or as much work. Bond with your baby. If you're not so sure you want or can handle being a mom again, look into adoption. Weigh your options, talk to somebody about how you feel. Do what you feel is best for your child, and yourself.
I seems like we are twin souls I am pregnant again after 10 years my daughter will be 10 in a month and I have mixed feelings about this pregnancy I am also a single mother for the second time I try to focus on what I loved about my daughter as a baby I haven't experinced the sickness but it may be a weakened immune system due to stress when the sickness passes you may feel differently sometimes I feel like I have no one who knows what I feel if you need to talk feel free to post every feeling no one can say your feelings don't count
First, I want   to say thank you to the two that left comments so far!Second,{and please dont take anything i say wrong it might not come out right but i try to say what i have to without being offensive, i just get the point out} Ok Second i have been a mother before as i said and I am not afraid of being a single mom i was with the last as well while i had him with me he now lives with my mother in another state. It doesn't hurt me when the baby moves it irritates me (maybe because i dont feel good all the time and that is just more annoying to me at this time) But either way my feeling of having no connection to this child is unreal to me, I LOVE CHILDREN!!! And it blows my mind that  i just don't feel it this time. i would never give my child UP! I don't care what the reason is, I MADE THIS CHILD i WILL TAKE CARE OF IT! ADOPTION IS NOT A CHOICE!!! AS ABORTION WAS NEVER A CHOICE ! That is just something i would not do. I believe more that which i did not go into this detail in the first part of my question but it's in my head. I was very much in love with this childs father ( i'm not a crazy chick though that is going to go after him cause i'm still in love with him it's not like that)i said I was but he made a choice to choose very negative people over the baby and i which hurt very badly and he has called to see what is going on but i cut him off because all he did was make me cry whenever he called because he didn't like things i said and wanted to argue all the time with me. I  don't need that stress while i am pregnant with his child. It hurt me alot though to be thrown out of where i was staying at with  him and having to go to a shelter for a min. while he just let it happen. But I now have my own! I go to school everyday to get my GED and do what i have to, to make it and make a life the best that i can for this child and me. I'm not a stupid person i know that i need to  better my life to raise this child and i am working on that currently.  But thats what i think about maybe why i have no connection yet and i am saying yet because i hope it will change before this baby comes, as i said i love children!Third, Thank you to {APRILNIKKI}  I  just about wanted to cry when i read through your comment thinking to myself Wow someone is in my shoes  and knows where i am coming from, someone i dont have to explain much to because she already knows. It was more of a relief to have a shared feeling with someone about this.  I still can't even say anything else bout it because you hit everything on the nose! So the ONE thing i do want to say is THANK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!
My situation isn't that similar to yours but I AM currently pregnant with my second child, and while I am happy -- thrilled -- to be growing our family, I am NOT happy with how I feel. When the baby moves, it's uncomfortable. I have symptoms I just don't like. I'm not glowing. I'm not thrilled all the time to be pregnant. It's just not my favorite thing. And I don't think the feelings you have about your pregnancy necessarily have that much to do with how you'll feel when your child is here.
I'm willing to bet you may have something else going on as your feelings towards the baby aren't physical, but emotional. I know this may seem irrelevant BUT hear me out. I'm almost 6 months along with my second child and currently taking a pre-natal yoga class. I chose to do this for a couple for reasons; when I was having my first child, my life was in a really bad place (unemployed, virtually homeless, disowned by family and not REALLY with the baby's father). I was very connected with my son however and regretted that I wasn't able to truly enjoy my pregnancy freely as there was so much else going on in my life. With this baby things are more stable and I vowed to give more of myself to my baby in utero. The yoga has been wonderful for me and for my connection with this baby, I don't think I can put into words the level of emotion it evokes and it's great for my baby too, I can feel all the somersaulting going on while I make poses and breathe. In addition, yoga in general really helps you connect in a less direct way with any issues you may be harboring even if you're not fully aware of them. Give it a try maybe? At any rate I hope you can find what you need and deserve with your baby & wish you all the best. ::Namaste.::
First off if your still feeling ill there is more you can take to help with the symptoms than Tylenol with Codeine. Here is a list of meds : Sudafed/Actifed: Nasal Congestion, Afrin Nasal Spray Original 15mg: Congestion, and Benadryl Allergy Relief. I could email you an updated list from my obgyn of all meds that are safe for pregnancy for a variety of symptoms. When I was pregnant with my first baby I got sick for about 3 to 4 months and I didn't know what to take and I felt miserable and didn't love being pregnant either. I also had a ton of complications with my first baby even after he was born I knew I was his mom but didn't feel connected at all I knew I loved him but didn't feel it. It took me months after his birth to finally connect with him and bond. I had a very sick baby and I felt angry at everything. I am not sure if you were sick with your first like you are with this one, but it seems to me that may be the reason for not loving this pregnancy or finding joy in your baby's movements. I say perhaps find something you can do that helps you concentrate on yourself and this pregnancy and wait till you feel better. Concentrate of being healthy: eating right and excercising and I am sure things will get better. Not every pregnancy is the same. I am sure you love your baby and that is what matters.  
Different situation, similar feeling.  I am in my second trimester with my second child.  My daughter is now 8.  I had a sense of 'detachment' from my current pregnancy for the mere fact that I had TWO miscarriages prior to this pregnancy.  It was irritating because I was sick for 14 weeks straight, and still hadn't shared my JOYFUL news with anyone (other than close family, parents and inlaws) I didn't want to get false HOPES (with the 'unknowing').  I stayed strong in my FAITH though. I am 19 weeks in now and am starting to relish in the BLESSING that has been bestowed upon me.  I think that once you are past your current situation (sickness), the rest will fall right into place.  :D 
this is my second child also. it is totally different from my first. with my first child, i slept all the time. with this child, i cant sleep at all but i am always tired. The pregnancy is only 3 years apart.
well i do know how you feel. I actually found out 2 weeks ago that i'm pregnant for the second time.I got a headache almost everyday, i have nausea every 3 hours so i have to eat in order to feel better.i am so tired of eating right now.I know you just feel like everything is getting worse as the days pass. First the unexpected pregnancy,second the nausea,then the baby's dad getting on my nerves for every little thing,i love him but i'm the one that needs attention not him.I am trying so hard to stay upbeat for my 2 year old daughter almost 3. because i know she sees everthing and will get upset if she sees mommy upset. so if you feel down maybe its just normal for the second pregnancy,i mean my sisters on her 4th kid and she seems like its nothing. I mean she's happy but not overly excited like it is with the first pregnancy. I was thrilled when i was pregnant with my daughter, i loved when she kicked me, it let me know she was ok even if her kickes were really really strong. I'm sure that when the second baby is here you'll feel so happy to see her/him. i'm sure of it.because in one way or another i'm happy to be a mom for the second time.
Hey!  I just read your question and also saw that is was 10 weeks ago.  I hope everything is going better for you now - but wanted to add - look at your situation!  You have a lot going on - dont be so hard on yourself!  I just had my third child, I have an 11yr old, a 2yr old and the 10 month old! Anyway, after my second child, I have post partem cardiomyopathy (sp?)!  a week after having her I ended up in ICU with pneumonia and lung failure.  They sent me home and 3 days later my husband woke up to find me making gurgling sounds and blue, my heart was only quivering - not beating! Long story short - they had to bring me back to life and at 30 I got a pacemaker put in my heart! SO! I wasn't suppose to get pregnant again, and when i did 4 MONTHS LATER!! I had to call every abortion clinic n town because they said i had a better chance of jumping off a 10 story building and living than living thru this pregnancy!  I was very sad.  I didn't want to have an abortion! but all the clinics said they couldn't help me because of my pacemaker / difibulator!! So I didn't know what to feel, didn't want to fall in love with the baby if i couldn't keep her! But at the same time I felt blessed, and my faith is strong! So i put it in Gods hands and a year and 7 mo. later i have a beautiful baby girl abbie GRACE!  Just try to think about how that little baby is going to look at you and know RIGHT THEN!! that your the voice he's been hearing this whole time! Your the only thing that can comfort him when he REALLY needs it!  I'm praying for u and your baby!  Keep ur head up girl!  = )

Pages

*DISCLAIMER
Parenting.com's Answers are provided by members of our community. While your fellow moms and our editors have plenty of great advice to offer based on their experience, it is not a substitute for professional medical help. Always consult a medical professional when seeking medical advice. All submitted answers are subject to the rules set forth in our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use