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Ask Laura: How To Get In Sync In Bed

My husband and I are like the tortoise and the hare in bed (I'm the orgasm tortoise, he's the fast one). How can we catch up?

Considering that the average man takes seven minutes to become aroused and orgasmic, while women average 20, it's no wonder you're experiencing a disconnect. The key to getting both of you hot at the same time: foreplay! This tends to dwindle in long-term relationships, meaning women can miss out on the caresses they need for arousal. Initiate foreplay by slowly exploring his body with your mouth and hands, then have him do likewise. Because only 30 percent of women orgasm through intercourse alone, you may need other forms of stimulation, such as manual or oral sex. Shoot for positions that stimulate your clitoris the most, like the woman-on-top or man-from-behind positions. Finally, try to relax -- you'll be more likely to let go and enjoy sex with your partner.

Laura Berman, Ph.D., runs The Berman Center, a sex therapy clinic for women and couples in Chicago. Send her your questions at