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Ask Laura: I Have a Crush That is <i>Not</i> My Husband

I'm happily married, but suddenly I'm crushing on a new coworker. I won't act on these feelings, but it's caught me off guard. How do I deal with this?

Good news: What you're going through is completely normal -- it's part of being a living, breathing, sexual person. As the saying goes, you're "wed, not dead," and just because you're married doesn't mean you won't notice or feel attracted to other men. Once you know these feelings are okay, your interest in this guy may start to dwindle. Forbidden fruit is, after all, always the sweetest. Take this chance to ask yourself what compels you about your crush -- is it the way he laughs at your jokes or compliments you, or is it the thrill of the unknown? Use this attraction to discover what's missing in your own relationship, and then work on channeling those flirty, sexy vibes into your marriage. Finally, don't put yourself in a risky situation by taking the attraction too far: Keep the relationship a little distant and don't overdo it on the flirting. And go easy on yourself. It's okay to crush, as long as it stops there. 

Laura Berman, Ph.D., runs The Berman Center, a sex therapy clinic for women. Send her your questions at